joke time

[purplepurpose]

God: gay relationship is a sin.
Also God: Love me.

[vulcanlogician]

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought.”

[The Valkyrie]

I am no longer allowing pets to sleep on the bed.

My goldfish died on my pillow last night.

[ignoramus]

^ more like the cat(s) put it there!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Betty White used to be known as 'Betty Grey', but then she defeated the Balrog and was reborn.

Boru

[ignoramus]

The year has almost ended. To recap, the most destructive virus for 2020 goes to:

Trump. He did his absolute best to make it as destructive as possible. No-one can ever take that away from him...
Now fuck off you orange turd, no-one wants to see you again. Ever.

[Fireball]

Reports are coming from the Sun that 2020 is threatening to stay on for another term. This would require that Earth stop orbiting for another year, but there is apparently nothing in the Constitution that would prevent this. 2020 has already reached out to Jupiter and Saturn to exert more gravitational force and hold Earth in its place, and they are having a very close meeting right now to discuss the proposal. The Sun is perplexed, as it has never faced this situation in its 4.603 billion years.  It has convened a counsel of its closest advisors - Mercury and Venus - but no one is sure what to do. 2021 is waiting its turn just a few million miles away, but 2020, in typical fashion, has told it to fuck off. The outer planets are fine with the proposal, as they never liked those warmer planets anyway and would like to screw them up any way possible. In a recent tweet, 2020 said "The Laws of Nature are Rigged!! Not Fair! Fight for another term!"

The Moon and Mars have not stated their positions yet, but the Asteroid Belt is said to be passing out 2020 flags, sporting the logo "Make the Solar System Great Again".  They plan threatening flybys for any 2021 supporters.

Reported by The Solar Times. 

[Darinda]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carol’s.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I just found an article stating that the Egyptian government want all the cab drivers in Cairo  to honk their cars horns more often. The idea is that people hearing more normal city sounds aren’t as likely to by hyper-stressed by the pandemic control measures. The scheme is known as

---

Operation Toot-And-Calm-‘Em.

---

Boru

[awty]

I just found an article stating that the Egyptian government want all the cab drivers in Cairo  to honk their cars horns more often. The idea is that people hearing more normal city sounds aren’t as likely to by hyper-stressed by the pandemic control measures. The scheme is known as

---

Operation Toot-And-Calm-‘Em.

---

Boru

*groan*