joke time

[Darinda]

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.."

[Darinda]

A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. “I’ve got a few suggestions,” he says. “Try folding your
arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.”

The new priest tries this. “Very good,” says his senior. “now try saying things like ‘I see’,’I understand’ and ‘Yes, go on.'”

The younger priest practices these sayings, too.

“Well done,” says the older priest. “Don’t you think that’s better than slapping your knee and
saying, ‘No way what happened next?'”

[Brian37]

I was thinking about starting an atheist restaurant, nothing will be on the menu.

[Foxaèr]

If I'm not snoring in the supine position, I'm woke.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I think it's a shame that Marvel haven't put advertisements on the Incredible Hulk. After all, he's essentially a giant Banner.

Boru

[Darinda]

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about. 

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey." 

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in." 

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other." 

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either." 

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it." 

"Very good!" said St. Peter. 

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball." 

St. Peter fainted! 

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Why don’t Buddhists open their emails?

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They’re trying to avoid attachments.

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Boru

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Another true story:

A few years ago I went to a Buddhist funeral of a bloke from work. All of the Vietnamese mourners wore white, the colour of mourning in many Asian country (because ghosts are white).

After the service I joined a mate who was talking to one of the Vietnamese mourners. My mate is from Dublin. He said:

"Very sad, and very different from an Irish funeral"

Vietnamese Mourner "Oh, what do you do?

Dubliner "We all get pissed and fight"

I've been to a few Irish funerals here, followed by the wake. Can't remember any violence. I can remember a lot of whiskey being consumed. That was followed by people telling outrageous lies (tall tales) about the deceased. At a certain stage of inebriation people get maudlin and cry.

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Why don’t Buddhists open their emails?

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They’re trying to avoid attachments.

---

Boru

 Buddhist monk to hot dog vendor:

" I want you to make me one with everything"

[polymath257]

Another true story:

A few years ago I went to a Buddhist funeral of a bloke from work.  All of the Vietnamese mourners wore white, the colour of mourning in many Asian country (because ghosts are white).

After the service I joined a mate who was talking to one of the Vietnamese mourners. My mate is from Dublin.  He said:

"Very sad, and very different from an Irish funeral"

Vietnamese Mourner "Oh, what do you do?

Dubliner  "We all get pissed and fight"

I've been to a few Irish funerals here, followed by the wake.  Can't remember any violence. I can remember a lot of whiskey being consumed. That was followed by people telling outrageous lies (tall tales)  about the deceased.  At a certain stage of inebriation people get maudlin and cry.

---

Why don’t Buddhists open their emails?

---

They’re trying to avoid attachments.

---

Boru

 Buddhist monk to hot dog vendor:

" I want you to make me one with everything"

And when the monk wanted money back from overpaying, the hot dog vendor said

"Change comes from within"

[Darinda]

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim and Scott, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car!”