joke time

[Cyberman]

I've just started work as a human chess piece.

I'm on knights this week.

[Little lunch]

I've just started work as a human chess piece.

I'm on knights this week.

So you're the new rookie.
You must be taking my old job. I got sacked for watching pawn at work whilst listening to Queen.
Watch out for the boss, he thinks he's the king of the castle.
As long as you keep an ear to the ground, you should be able to keep everything in check, mate.

[Cyberman]

Well, bashing the bishop keeps me from getting board. I prefer everything black and white.

[The Valkyrie]

There should be a law against overuse of bad puns.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Then there was the medieval court jester who was known far and wide for his ability to make a pun upon any subject at a moment's notice.

Summoned to court, the king asked the jester, 'Is it true what they say - you can pun upon any subject?'

'Yes, Your Majesty. Any subject.'

'Any subject at all?'

'As I said, Sire; any subject.'

'Very well. I command you to make a pun about our royal Self.'

'Ah, Majesty, that I cannot do. For the King, you see, is not a subject.'

Boru

[Losty]

How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
(WIP. Best answer gets big kudos and a sloppy kiss from Losty!)

Attempt #1

None, they like being kept in the dark.

We don't neeeeed light bulbs. We are the light of the world, the shining city on a hill. Why would weeeeeee need lightbulbs?
(goes and spends a fortune on invisible light bulbs that were invented by an atheist scientist.)

Ok fine I will kiss you. Only because that was wonderful

[StealthySkeptic]

Here's an old joke I read once that explains Christian preoccupation with doctrine, especially exclusivism, perfectly:

An atheist dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, the attendant says, "Welcome, you'll be in room 21, but be very quiet when you walk past room 8."

A rabbi dies and goes to heaven, and the attendant greets him and says, "Welcome, you'll be in room 22, but be very quiet when you walk past room 8."

A Buddhist nun dies and goes to heaven and the attendant greets her and says, "Welcome, you'll be in room 23, but be very quiet when you walk past room 8."

The three of them happen to meet, and they're all wondering about room 8 when they see the attendant walk by. They grab him, he asks them how they're doing, and they say, "We're all very happy here, but we were wondering about room 8 and why we had to be so quiet when we went past it."

The attendant says, "Oh, those are the Christians. They think they're the only ones here."

[ignoramus]

Hey Diablo,you'd also have your hands full with Christians I dare say!

[Minimalist]

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"

To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

The mighty chief of a Maori tribe died when his son and heir had not yet come of age. It was decided that until the boy was old enough to assume his royal duties, the tribe would be governed by a regent. Furthermore, to assure than no one but the legitimate chief would sit on the throne, it was secured in the rafters of the royal hut, held in place by strong ropes.

All went well until one day the heir was playing with his friends in the palace. Without warning, the ropes broke and the throne fell on the prince, killing the royal child instantly.

Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Boru