Posts: 29107
Threads: 218
Joined: August 9, 2014
Reputation:
155
RE: joke time
February 16, 2015 at 8:30 am
I used to work selling women's underwear. I still pop into the shop from time to time, I like to keep my hand in.
Posts: 176
Threads: 6
Joined: February 7, 2015
Reputation:
2
RE: joke time
February 16, 2015 at 11:56 am
(This post was last modified: February 16, 2015 at 11:57 am by emilynghiem.)
(February 16, 2015 at 7:48 am)Wychdoctyr Wrote: A Priest and a Rabbi stagger out of a bar at closing time and notice a passed out teenage boy in the alley ....
The Priest nudges the Rabbi and says "lets skrew him!".
and the Rabbi says .... "... outta what?"
Doc
Ha ha reminds me of my former favorite (now second favorite) Rabbi/Priest joke:
A Catholic priest, a Rabbi, and a Baptist minister die and go to heaven. St. Peter tells them that heaven is undergoing renovations so they will be sent back to Earth. "But the renovations will be done soon, so I'll make a deal with you, you all must give up your FAVORITE thing, or you will end up right back here."
So they are back on Earth, walking along when they walk past a place where music is playing. The Baptist trys to resist, but sadly, he can't help dancing... POOF! he disappears.
Now the Priest and the Rabbi are walking along when they spot a dollar on the road. The Rabbi knows he has to resist, but after struggling with himself, he bends over...POOF! the Priest disappears!
Posts: 43
Threads: 2
Joined: February 13, 2015
Reputation:
2
RE: joke time
February 16, 2015 at 1:40 pm
A 12 year old boy walks into a whore house with a $100.00 bill in one hand and a squashed frog on a leash in the other ...
He says to the madam "I want the nastiest, grossest woman in the place and I'll pay a hundred dollars for her!" She says "fine, 2nd door on the right" ... there he finds a very fat ,smelly woman with flies orbiting her bed and does his business.
Upon leaving, the madam says "I have to ask, I mean you know you caught at least one disease in there right? what gives?"
The boy says "I have it all planned ... today is my parents anniversary, so tonight they will go out and leave me with a baby sitter ... Im gonna bone the baby sitter, and shes gonna catch what I just caught ... and when Dad gives her a ride home, he's gonna bone the baby sitter, and he's gonna catch what I just caught ... and when he comes home, he's gonna bone Mom, and she's gonna catch what I just caught .... and when Dad leaves for work tomorrow, Mom's gonna bone the mail man, and he's gonna catch what I just caught ....
And THAT'S the mother fucker that ran over my frog !!!!!"
Doc
Posts: 44187
Threads: 530
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
February 16, 2015 at 5:31 pm
In the Baltic nations, what is the number one use for unprocessed cowhide?
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 43
Threads: 2
Joined: February 13, 2015
Reputation:
2
RE: joke time
February 17, 2015 at 6:57 am
(This post was last modified: February 17, 2015 at 7:10 am by Outtahere.)
What is the last think that goes through your mind when you get hit by a train ?
... your asshole !
Doc
A woman goes to the Doctor and ask "Doctor why am I getting these hairs on my chest?"
The Doctor replies "Its perfectly normal for a woman your age to experience some level of hormone imbalance, nothing to worry about."
But the woman persist "But Doctor , they are these big. thick, black hairs, and they are getting progressively worse."
So the Doctor relents and says " ok, take off your blouse and let me have a look .... how far down do they go?"
She says "All the way down to my balls ... and that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about ..... "
Doc
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
February 17, 2015 at 8:17 pm
(This post was last modified: February 17, 2015 at 9:07 pm by IATIA.)
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pit Bull?
If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Posts: 28384
Threads: 226
Joined: March 24, 2014
Reputation:
185
RE: joke time
February 18, 2015 at 10:31 am
A gem from my son "There was a dinosaur and he farted and he sniffed his own fart"
He laughed so hard at this too. Haha
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay
0/10
Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
Posts: 28384
Threads: 226
Joined: March 24, 2014
Reputation:
185
RE: joke time
February 18, 2015 at 2:03 pm
A young lad is sitting in the park, eating chocolate bar after chocolate bar. An elderly man approaches him
"My word sonny" says the old man "If you continue to eat like that, you wont live for very long"
"My granddad lived to be one hundred and three years old" exclaimed the boy
"Did he eat lots of chocolate too?" asked the old fella
"No. He minded his own fucking business"
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/#ixzz3S7Yef4wZ
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay
0/10
Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
Posts: 29107
Threads: 218
Joined: August 9, 2014
Reputation:
155
RE: joke time
February 18, 2015 at 3:27 pm
It seems smoking isn't bad for your health after all. In a recent survey of 80 year olds, every smoker we interviewed was still alive.
Posts: 29107
Threads: 218
Joined: August 9, 2014
Reputation:
155
RE: joke time
February 19, 2015 at 5:12 am
(This post was last modified: February 19, 2015 at 5:12 am by robvalue.)
I don't know why the Scottish aren't on count down more. They can ask for 9 consenants and still make words.
Mdr = murder
Pcmkr = pacemaker
That last one was from broadchurch 
|
