Is your psychiatrist teaching you coping methods so you don't suffer these breakdowns so often/at all? Because it really sounds like there are two things at play:
1. You simply don't know how to cope with things in a positive way. Coping is usually a skill learned from experience. Go through bad stuff, experience it and the aftermath, learn to predict and handle what comes the next time bad stuff pops up. But, a lot of times people learn self-destructive ways of coping.
2. It sounds like you might self-sabotage. If you go through life expecting that everything will fail, you'll find a way to make your prediction come true. If you keep telling yourself that you're hopeless/helpless, you'll wind up believing it. That's part of depression. It's partially a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have the power to change your life. You really do. If your psychiatrist sucks, try to get a new one. Figure out low stress ways to earn money. Don't freak out that you've only had one girlfriend. That says to me that you're more interested in a long term relationship than meaningless flings, which is a good thing. Watch cooking shows, or buy cookbooks. Keep trying. Yeah, you might fail, things might go bad, but not doing anything to help yourself move forward is guaranteed to make you fail.
And failure isn't bad if you learn from it. And, in my experience in failing a lot in life, both personally and professionally, there's always something to learn from failure. Sometimes t's something to do about our actions, sometimes it's something to do about our character, but there's always something. And as embarrassing as failure can be, it's not something to be afraid of in the vast majority of cases. Unless you're in a high risk profession (doctor, military, whatever) no one's going to die if you cut some cheese too thick or too thin.
Take a deep breath. Realize that you're an intelligent person who cares about things. And keep going. You got this.
1. You simply don't know how to cope with things in a positive way. Coping is usually a skill learned from experience. Go through bad stuff, experience it and the aftermath, learn to predict and handle what comes the next time bad stuff pops up. But, a lot of times people learn self-destructive ways of coping.
2. It sounds like you might self-sabotage. If you go through life expecting that everything will fail, you'll find a way to make your prediction come true. If you keep telling yourself that you're hopeless/helpless, you'll wind up believing it. That's part of depression. It's partially a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have the power to change your life. You really do. If your psychiatrist sucks, try to get a new one. Figure out low stress ways to earn money. Don't freak out that you've only had one girlfriend. That says to me that you're more interested in a long term relationship than meaningless flings, which is a good thing. Watch cooking shows, or buy cookbooks. Keep trying. Yeah, you might fail, things might go bad, but not doing anything to help yourself move forward is guaranteed to make you fail.
And failure isn't bad if you learn from it. And, in my experience in failing a lot in life, both personally and professionally, there's always something to learn from failure. Sometimes t's something to do about our actions, sometimes it's something to do about our character, but there's always something. And as embarrassing as failure can be, it's not something to be afraid of in the vast majority of cases. Unless you're in a high risk profession (doctor, military, whatever) no one's going to die if you cut some cheese too thick or too thin.
Take a deep breath. Realize that you're an intelligent person who cares about things. And keep going. You got this.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
