RE: Someone stole the body!
May 22, 2016 at 2:42 pm
(This post was last modified: May 22, 2016 at 2:44 pm by Homeless Nutter.)
I think I found an explanation, that should satisfy everyone. Jesus was a time-traveler - at least originally. At some point, probably when he was fairy old - he was transported back to the time and place of his conception. Whether it was his own doing (he was a carpenter, we don't know how time travel works - maybe all you need is just some planks and nails?), or that of aliens, fairies, Doc Emmett Brown, or the Ghost of Christmas Past - I couldn't say. Maybe he was pranked by Bill and Ted - who cares?
The point is - as a result of this he meets his own mother, has sex with her and ends up being his own father - just like the bible says. I don't know what happens to him afterwards, but that's not really important right now. The resulting child - from now on referred to as Paradoxically Inbred Jesus, for clarity's sake - lives on to become a preacher and a hippy, because the time-space continuum was changed, so his life is now completely different, from that of the Original Jesus.
When Paradoxically Inbred Jesus finally gets himself crucified and dies prematurely - he can no longer be transported to the past to conceive himself and therefore can't have existed. The resulting time paradox eventually resolves itself through disappearance of Paradoxically Inbred Jesus, or rather - his corpse at this point, although before that happens - many anomalies are allegedly observed, potentially compatible with breach of time-space continuum.
I think we were lucky - that kind of irresponsible time travel, combined with mother-f*cking could have destroyed the Universe right then and there. But what if the Original Time-traveling Jesus was transported to the future and his return/re-emergence undoes our reality?...
The point is - as a result of this he meets his own mother, has sex with her and ends up being his own father - just like the bible says. I don't know what happens to him afterwards, but that's not really important right now. The resulting child - from now on referred to as Paradoxically Inbred Jesus, for clarity's sake - lives on to become a preacher and a hippy, because the time-space continuum was changed, so his life is now completely different, from that of the Original Jesus.
When Paradoxically Inbred Jesus finally gets himself crucified and dies prematurely - he can no longer be transported to the past to conceive himself and therefore can't have existed. The resulting time paradox eventually resolves itself through disappearance of Paradoxically Inbred Jesus, or rather - his corpse at this point, although before that happens - many anomalies are allegedly observed, potentially compatible with breach of time-space continuum.
Quote:Matthew 27:50-52 50
When Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He yielded up His spirit. 51At that moment the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth quaked and the rocks were split. 52The tombs broke open, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised.
I think we were lucky - that kind of irresponsible time travel, combined with mother-f*cking could have destroyed the Universe right then and there. But what if the Original Time-traveling Jesus was transported to the future and his return/re-emergence undoes our reality?...
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
