Someone stole the body!

[Redbeard The Pink]

Is that also how you excuse the endings of all of those stories being so different from each other?

If one person says Redbeard wears a silly hat and another says he has a beard there is no contradiction. Both are true and together provide a fuller picture of Redbeard.

Ummm...ok...how does that relate to--you know what? Let's play Bible trivia. You guys like this game, right?


How many women were with Mary Magdalene when she visited the tomb on the morning of the Resurrection? Was it one woman, two women, a whole crowd of women, or was she alone?

How many angels/messengers/men/whatever-you-want-to-call-them were in the tomb when the women looked inside? One, or two?

Was the stone already rolled away when the women arrived, or did they get there in time to see the guards fainting and the stone rolling away?

When Mary Magdalene and whoever was with her (if anyone) arrived at the tomb, was it still dark out, or was it just after dawn?

Finally (and this is the big one, for me, anyway)...were the women told by an angel to inform the disciples that Jesus would meet them in Galilee, or did Jesus tell them that himself?


If you need to look some of these up, that's ok. Not everybody has memorized every minute detail of these four books. If you need to consult more than one of the gospels to come up with these answers, that's totally understandable. I suggest it, in fact. Review all four, if you must. I'll post the answers in a hide tag below so you can check them when you're ready to see how you did.

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Yeah...the different gospels forward ALL of these story elements, even though some of them flatly contradict each other. People debate all day about the order/relevance of events that would lead to this problem with the overall narrative, but to me the killer is that last one. My understanding of Christian theology (in just about every denomination I've observed/been a part of) is that the words of Christ are by far the most important, authoritative, and relevant part of the whole document known as the Bible.


If that's true...if you're an omniscient, omnipotent creator and you're trying to get a message across to your people, and the words of your son are the most important part, how are you going to let the authors jam up whether something was said by Jesus or one of your pissant little angels?


You aren't, that's how. If your god really had the qualities most people ascribe to him, his authors would have perfect clarity and consistency, not just in doctrine and "overall message" but in every single scrap of minutiae and detail, to such an extent that human storytellers and scribes become an unlikely source. That still wouldn't prove god, but it would at least be something. What you have is a bunch of humans muddling up a story that's supposed to be under the direct authorship of the most supremely powerful being in the Universe. How does that even work?

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