Your friend tells you they're a paedophile

[ukatheist]

I understand the desire to warn the family.

As a thought experiment, let's think it through. How would it play out?

You're Johnny's friend, and he confides in you he's a paedophile, as per the OP. He has kids. You're as certain as you can be that he hasn't harmed them, and doesn't intend to. (If you're personally unable to ever believe such a thing, then this post won't apply to you.) When he's out, you go see his wife and tell her. We'll assume she doesn't know already. There seems to be three likely scenarios:

(1) She believes you, and tries to leave him, taking the kids away with her.
(2) She believes you, but sticks by him and tries to get him help, while taking measures to safeguard the kids.
(3) She doesn't believe you, but it may leave a seed of doubt which could affect their relationship.

Whatever happens in this situation, your friendship with Johnny is probably over, he feels betrayed, and has one less really good friend for support. Perhaps he wanted to build up to telling her himself; perhaps not. Maybe if he did plan to, it would make you more inclined to support him in secret until then?

It's all going to vary wildly depending on the situation of course. There is no wrong or right way to do things. But I wonder what is likely to happen, and whether things have been made better or worse overall for having gone to his wife. This is just an invitation for discussion, to think through the reality of the situation.

I think if someone confided in me that they were a paedophile, but hadn't acted on it, I would take that as a sign that they were having more than just casual thoughts about it and take it as a cry for help that they were struggling with their urges. In your scenario, I would insist that my friend tell his wife immediately, preferably with me present so I know he has done, and tell him that I would do so if he didn't. Even if I trusted my friend, I would feel morally obligated to put the safety of those kids above our friendship (particularly in view of my first sentence above, and would explain this to him).

I would assume that since my friend told me, he would be open to getting professional help, and try to work with him and his wife (if she stayed with him) to come to an arrangement regarding his kids, for example making sure that he is never alone with them or any other child (for his own sake as well as theirs). If my friend was not open to this I would view it as him putting the kids safety below his own sensibilities, and we would no longer be friends.