(July 28, 2017 at 1:54 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I think that's something that a lot of people can relate to at some point in their lives, though I feel like few will talk about it. And of course, everyone experiences those things in different forms or for different reasons. I am fortunate enough to not have a mental illness or neurological disorder of any kind. I've never had clinical depression, don't suffer from anxiety, no ADD, etc etc. To me, feeling down on myself comes strictly from the way life itself has gone, my failures, my lack of abilities, and so forth. It does not come from mental health issues.
I figured out sometime during college that I wasn't meant to be a career woman. I just didn't have the natural skills or the drive or interest for any particular field of work or study. It was a hard realization to come to at the time, because it's important to me that I do well in life and contribute to society. The only jobs I've had were pretty meaningless, and for the sole purpose of making money... like working at restaurants, stores, house keeping, etc. Nothing real. And I'm ashamed of that. It's embarrassing to me.
I figured at that time that my calling then, since I wasn't meant to be a career woman, was to be a mother some day. And I would dedicate my life to my family, and I would be the best wife and the best mom in the world... to make up for my complete failure and inabilities in the career department. I never imagined that I would have infertility issues, because being a mom was what I was supposed to do. It was my way of contributing to society and giving my life purpose. But here I am, married for 7 years, 31 years old, and still childless because my body doesn't seem to be able to do it, or at least, to do it right...
I did get pregnant once so far, but the one baby I did make had genetic abnormalities that were incompatible with life, and so he died when I was 5 months pregnant with him. It hurts that this is something else that I can't do. Currently I have no job. I try to fill my days up with random things so that I don't feel so worthless. It hurts not feeling like I'm good enough for anything... even for making babies. It hurts knowing that my husband deserves to be a father but that he married a complete dud... someone who doesn't work, doesn't have any special skills, and can't even give him children. (and yes, the infertility issues are on my end not his - we checked)
I think of the good things I have, and they are many - an amazing husband, a solid family, structured upbringing, incredible faith, financial security, physical/mental health. Thinking of these things initially makes me feel like I have a lot to be happy about in life. But it backfires on me when I remember that those things were all given to me. I just happened to luck out. None of those things were earned, none of them are inherent to me. They are outside things. The struggle is with myself, and those things only serve to remind me that I don't deserve any of it. Because I haven't been able to reap good out of any of them. I'm still worthless and I still failed despite all those things I had going for me. The people in my life that I love and that love me have nothing to feel proud of me for, and nothing to gain from me. I can't give my husband a child, I can't give my parents grandchildren, I can't be someone that these people feel proud of, or can brag to their friends about... for any reason. And that is the part that hurts most because I want the best for all of them. And I can't do it.
TLDR: If you struggle or have struggled with feelings of worthlessness, self esteem, lack of purpose in life, etc... feel free to share your story below so that we all know we are not alone. And if you were able to overcome it, advice would be greatly appreciated.
There is lots in this I agree with.
1. Everyone experiences life differently.
2. Everyone has ups and downs.
3. Not everyone has mental illness.
Now here is where we part company. "Purpose"...... Sorry that is also highly subjective and can only mean to the individual what they want their "purpose" to be.
The problem with using the word "purpose" on any side, by anyone is that far too often "purpose" becomes a projection. I won't say that always happens, but it does happen far too often. Especially on issues of class, political party and religion, "purpose" becomes "It works for me so you are less than, if you don't do it like me."
For example, a Conservative Catholic, and there are, are going to see "Purpose" far differently than a liberal Catholic.
But same can be said for class. A poor person and middle class person and a rich person are not always going to see "purpose" in the same light.
I would not put it like that at all.
I would say however, when an individual has a solid social structure and family and friend support the are more likely to cope better in the down times. Even if they do suffer from depression and or anxiety.
Life is what you make it, that is the way to put it. Be happy, that is the way to put it. You start getting into the word "purpose" then it becomes a competition of how one should live their lives and everyone has a different idea of how that is done.
The other reason I don't like generalizations like "purpose" is that it can, and again, not that it always does, but can lead people to chase impossible utopias. Not everyone will be a famous rock star. Not everyone will become a rich billionaire. Not everyone will become a famous pro sports star. Most people if lucky get a job that pays their bills and can save a little money.
What is important in life is having people you like working with and having emotional support from family and friends. Anything outside that is personal and individual.
