Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose

[Catholic_Lady]

I had and sometimes still have those kinds of feelings.  I have type 1 bipolar disorder and PTSD though.  The former has in the past contributed to me doing some very dreadful things that are thankfully no longer an issue.  I hurt people though and it ultimately had a lot with ending my marriage.  My ex-wife simply couldn't handle a seriously mentally ill spouse.  I've been sick off and on since I was a young child, and I'm almost 50 now.

What has helped me is therapy - both cognitive behavior therapy and dialectic behavior therapy, amongst other therapies.  I've been continuously in therapy since 2009, and had a spottier record of therapy since I was 17 or so.  Also medication, which not everyone needs.  I do.  I still have episodes but they aren't as severe.  

Those feelings of worthlessness and anxiety has contributed in two voluntary inpatient psychiatric hospitalizations in the last year, and perhaps half a dozen when I was 17-18, I can't recall exactly.  I was misdiagnosed, and therefore prescribed fairly ineffective medication until 2009.

You say you haven't have any mental illness several times.  If it's causing you distress to a degree that it causes a decline in function, it might actually qualify as mental illness.  Either way, a therapist might be your best bet.

Wow, thank you for sharing your story.  I had no idea you were in psychiatric hospitalization. That's really hard. I'm glad you've been able to get help through therapy and battle on through this. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to go through a divorce all while trying to deal with your own internal struggles. 

I see there's a lot of people suggesting a see a therapist. I guess I just don't know that I really need to or that it would help. I am able to function like a normal person, I just feel very down on myself because I haven't been able to accomplish anything or give my life any meaning, especially with the infertility.

---

C_L, been there, done that. It sucks.

Just a thought, try getting out of yourself. By that I mean make an effort to do something for others, not just you, not just your husband.

Hell, you're catholic, are they not part of your family? We've talked about the great things catholic charities do. Give volunteering a try, a worthy career. I've found that when I get out and help others that my "poor me's" tend to melt away. Let's me see that I don't have it nearly as bad as I thought I did. My issues pale in comparison. 

Not your cup o tea? How about caring for animals? We know you love that, ya cat hoarder. Warning, this can often be bitter sweet. 

I think there all kinds of things that you could excel at, you just need to look around and test the waters.

BTW, temp infertility =/= no motherhood. Have you and hubby talked about other options? Quality foster's, or even big sisters, are in demand. Put on a nun's habit and do after school care. hehehe

Had enough raw raw yet?

I was more involved with my Church doing volunteer/charity stuff with them when I was a teenager and they had a youth group, but since moving away and being part of a new parish I haven't gotten involved at all. I guess it's the introvert in me kinda holding me back. It's easier when you're a teenager and you know everyone because it's the parish you grew up in, but everyone in the church I got to now are strangers, and getting involved with them for charities/etc would mean going to meetings with a room full of people I don't know.... 

But you are right that I should look for fulfillment doing some kind of service for others. I know many people who feel like me and aren't really doing anything with their lives are drawn in that direction. It's just a matter of stepping out of my comfort zone I suppose.

---

I understand you 100%. I have felt the same thing of not being good at anything that can be a career and feeling like my life would be fulfilled with being a mother. I too went through 6 years of being told they didn't know why I couldn't have kids. During those six years I came to terms with it may never happen and I had to accept that I was just a good person doing the best I can and helping others. We resolved that if we couldn't have any of our own we would adopt. I had to accept that it was a possibility I would never feel a child grow in me but I knew that if I could give a good home to another life even if I hadn't been the one to give them the life it made me worthwhile. I know nothing anyone says will make you have self worth but there are other things in life that can help give you the fulfilling life.

Thank you for sharing. Yes, infertility is extremely painful. Especially after a baby loss. 

I saw on facebook that you are expecting. I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you. I must admit I've been too jealous and bitter to congratulate my pregnant friends/acquaintances. If I may ask, how did you finally make it happen? Anything you'd recommend? Sorry, I know this is personal. No need to respond if you don't want to.