Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose

[Brian37]

Thanks Brian

I can totally relate. My adoptive dad was abusive, I never really pushed that issue with my mom after he died, she loved him. And my mom was a bit of a perfectionist herself. I really have to give her credit though, she was far more protective of me growing up than I realized, but even she wanted to "toughen me up".

To her credit as I became an adult and especially in college when I met my now X wife, she loosed up alot and gradually started seeing me for me. Even morso when I moved down here where I am now to take care of her because of her health problems. I only wish we could have had that understanding growing up but there is no manual for kids or parents, although conflict resolution communication should be taught in schools at a young age. 

Mom  with me growing up was horrible with holidays and birthdays growing up. Everything had to be perfect and that terrified me and I couldn't enjoy the day because I was afraid of her getting mad. But again, people can and do change and she did. But our parents were of the WW2 generation and gender roles were far more rigid and more people had a do
or die mentality, so it wasn't just my mom, that was more a climate.

I am worried about the orange asshat because his dad just reading up on him is far worse because he verbally abused him and was given the funds to turn around and bully others in business, and now he is running the nation.

Point being, you are not alone.