Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose

[Brian37]

My dad used to grab me around the throat up against the living room door when I was like 12. I thought that was just something dads did when they were angry. Was shocked when I learned that was abusive.

What were his reasons? I didn't lay the table fast enough for dinner.

There is no reason for that one bit. My adoptive father growing up we had a second house in Annapolis MD and a boat there too. One day I went out to play what was called at the time, "smear the queer" with the other boys in the marina who were bigger and a couple years older. The game was you threw the football up in the air and whom ever caught it everyone tackled. Didn't take me long to realize I was in over my head. After a few minutes of getting slammed and even punched I quit and went back to our boat.

Dad was there drunk off his ass, really didn't know it at the time, but looking back it was obvious because he always had beer with him, sometimes even while driving. Anyway, I tried to explain to him the other boys were too big, but he didn't want to hear any of it. He stood up, punched me in the stomach and told me to go back out there and play. Truth was on top of being raised with a "boys don't cry" it was merely a matter of him not wanting to baby sit me at the moment.

You scar children by doing that and they carry that with them their entire lives. And it doesn't matter if they grow up to be successful and non violent, it still creates problems with trust and problems in personal relationships. But far too often the abused child grows up to abuse themselves.