RE: Low self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of purpose
July 29, 2017 at 11:51 pm
(This post was last modified: July 29, 2017 at 11:59 pm by The Industrial Atheist.)
(July 29, 2017 at 12:14 pm)pool the matey Wrote:(July 29, 2017 at 9:54 am)Hammy Wrote: My dad used to grab me around the throat up against the living room door when I was like 12. I thought that was just something dads did when they were angry. Was shocked when I learned that was abusive.
What were his reasons? I didn't lay the table fast enough for dinner.
My dad is old school military. I was like 5 or something, I don't remember but I do remember I could barely walk. Anyhow, I was walking around the house without clothes with food stuffed in my mouth and some of it here and there in my face. Dad comes home from work sees me and it pisses him to no end. I don't remember what he did but I'm pretty sure whatever he did it made me fall back hard and had mom come running to my rescue only to have herself fall victim to dad's angry words. Another time he threw a plate at me that came spinning so fast and hit the side of my arm and I was bleeding and my dress got that red stain I think I was like 10 or something. Anyways he took me in that condition to church (special church day Jesus coming from the dead mass at night) and I just couldn't stop crying, cried all the way to church and still cried in the church during mass everyone was looking at me. I wouldn't say it was all that bad, I mean I did turn out pretty good and dad definitely loves me and I love him as well with all my heart. I remember like a year or two I brought up some of his antics in a conversation with him in a joking manner but his face got so sad I couldn't bear to look at it and he was so guilty so I decided I wouldn't bring any of it up ever. Although these days it's really hard for me to cry, like even when I'm really sad I guess I just grew so used to it my resistance to it grew over time. There's lots of stories like it but dad did it for me and dad is dad and I love dad cos dad is awesome and I'm so grateful to have him in my life.
Wow pool, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
If I could Double Kudo Thump's post I would. The first tracks I made were terrible. I'm not saying I'm great but I'm waay better than when I started.
