What beliefs would we consider reasonable for a self proclaimed Christian to hold?

[Whateverist]

I've been to a snake-handling service too.  It was absolutely insane.

Re: the OP.  Well, about 10 years ago I was assisting a Catechumen group - a bunch of adults who are undergoing instruction to enter the Catholic Church.  I had brought in a musician friend to play a service and she decided to stay, and she wanted me around for some of the meetings.  (Even though I told her clearly that they want dedicated Catholics as sponsors, not atheists!)  But they put up with me, and I got to ask the priests and deacons and sisters questions - in private, not in front of the newbie group.  One question I asked of four priests, two sponsors, and two nuns was this: "What do you have to believe to call yourself a Catholic?"
   One priest said, "You have to believe that Jesus of Nazareth was literally god in the flesh, who died for the sins of mankind and rose again."  Another priest said, "You have to believe the Nicene Creed - literally."  One sponsor said, "You have to believe that Jesus died to cleanse your soul of original sin and want to follow his teachings."  Another said, "You have to know that Jesus died for your sins, and want to accept Jesus into your heart.  You have to dedicate your life to Him."  My favorite answer was from Sister Elaine, who said, "You have to know that God loves you unconditionally." (Well, THAT was a very ecumenical response. That would even work for the Unitarians.)

I think that the "toe the doctrinal line" answer was the Nicene Creed.  

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We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and was made man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

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But it's amazing how many different answers you can get for that simple question.

Sounds like any reasonable Christians I may meet will be of the untrue variety.

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It helps that whateverists criteria amounts to little more than not drooling on oneself.  He's a hopeless optimist, in that way. 

  Tsk, you underestimate the inherent difficulty of not drooling when all around you all you meet are droolers.