(August 28, 2011 at 8:24 pm)DraxQuin Wrote: I want to, but even if I did I have no friends and no social skills, no idea how to even talk to people, and trust me I've tried people just act as if I don't exist.
On top of that idea how or where I'm going to get the money or a place to stay, not to mention because of how I've been living in as you rightly put it this "cage", I wouldn't know what to do, or how to be, in other words I have become so accustomed to being like this I'm outright scared. What if I get kicked out the next day, which I probably am going to be, what can I do, sleep in the streets, I wish I had a friend to go to but no that's right I have jack shit.
On top of all this I can't help but think I'm to blame, I'm the shit not my father and that I've caused all this to happen...
You didn't cause all of this to happen, your father's narrow-minded bigotry did. Accept that you're not going to change his worldview any more than he's going to change yours.
Here's the thing, given your current situation, you might just have to go with the flow for now, until you can stand on your own two feet. As Chuck said, start expanding your horizons more. I know it's hard for an introvert, but it can be done. Step by step, little by little. In the meantime, stop preaching to your father. You don't want him preaching his belief at you, stop preaching your non-belief to him. If he asks you if you have changed your mind about religion, just tell him that your re-evaluating things and walk away. No need to engage him or your brothers.
When the time comes and you can leave, go and don't ever look back. People like your father will never change. Ever. Accept that and move on.
Lastly, and it might sound harsh, stop talking suicide bullshit. It's not going to get you anywhere and the last fucking thing anyone needs is another person killing themselves over goddamn motherfucking religion.
Ever heard of the "It Gets Better" project? No? Well Google it, and replace the gay talk with religion. It'll get better, you just have to prove you have the stones to get there and tough it out.
Just one person's opinion.
Amy
Nothing is your own except the few cubic centimeters inside your skull. - George Orwell
