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how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 6:33 pm
My family is still religious. Every Friday, my dad texts me "shabbat shalom." before the Sabbath starts. (it means "have a good Sabbath")
He knows I'm an Atheist, but I don't think he knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel when he says this to me, week after week.
I feel like i need to tell him it makes me feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop, but a small voice in my head is saying don't hurt his feelings.
I'm new here so if I've posted this in the wrong thread, just let me know.
Thanks guys
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 6:39 pm
(This post was last modified: January 30, 2015 at 6:40 pm by Aisha.)
Might I ask why it makes you feel uncomfortable?
As an atheist I often wish people a good Sunday, I don't mean anything with it in the religious way. I just want Sunday to be an nice day for them, considering they have the day off and hoping the weather will be nice.
*Edit*
Or does it mean he expects you do to the whole religious ritual?
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 6:44 pm
Does it bother you when people wish you "Merry Christmas"?
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 6:49 pm
Well, GLaDOS, how do you think he'll respond? We don't really know your dad---is he very religious, or is it just him saying "Have a good Friday?" Is he proselytizing or is he just saying happy Friday, you know?
Is it the start of a conversation about other things? Or is it just a standalone thing every week where you don't respond?
I used to have something like this. My parents/sister loved to remind me that they are praying for me. I asked them to stop saying that, and they responded in such a way that I felt petty for even asking. I left it alone, but it still bothered me. Finally what got them to stop (for the most part) was just sticking on my side of the street. "When you do this action, this is how it makes me feel. If you'd like to continue making me feel this way, that's up to you. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop." I left it in their hands, and it curtailed.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 6:57 pm
You should just talk to him. Maybe tell him that it makes you a little bit uncomfortable, and if he respects that, good for him. If not, oh, well. It's not that big of a deal, honestly.
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 7:17 pm
If they don't know I'm an atheist and say merry christmas, I don't care, because they don't know. But my dad knows I'm an atheist and he knows I'm uncomfortable around the family during religious holidays. He also knows i'm dealing psychologically with self acceptance and trying to find a way to be happy and not care and just be with my family even though they surround themselves in every aspect of every day life with their judaism.
IE. Passover is coming. They want me to attend a Passover seder. I can't do it. I can't sit back on a comfy pillow, get drunk, and sing and toast to God's intervention when there is slavery and rape and terrorism and just awful suffering in the world. To my family, it's not a big deal. They eat, they drink, they sing, and they do some rituals, but to me, well I know that the rituals represent a discretionary god who chooses when to save people and let people die, and obviously he chose to save the Jews because they are Jews. Can't do it.
My dad knows i'm dealing with all this. He knows I've been distant for the express reason that I stand against Judaism. and If I had my way, I'd never had to deal with it again, if not for my family.
He knows all these things. And says shabbat shalom. It's not a big deal to him. But it feels like this is his way of trying to missionize me, to try to keep judaism in my life when he knows I don't want any part of it.
So yeah, I guess it's a big deal to me. The question is, am I overreacting and should i just shut up and let the guy say shabbat shalom?
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 7:20 pm
Do you live with him? Can you just avoid him from Friday evening until Saturday?
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 7:23 pm
Maybe you should simply text back, 'Thanks, Dad. You too.' He's wishing you well, that's all.
As for attending the seder, I think you're right not to go. There's a world of difference between exchanging greetings of a religious nature and attending a religious festival in which you do not believe. If your parents understand how you feel, they should be able to accept a simple moed tov and let it go.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 7:28 pm
(This post was last modified: January 30, 2015 at 7:53 pm by Simon Moon.)
I am in a similar situation. Raised Jewish, now atheist. Although I am quite a bit older than you.
Several people in my family wish me happy holidays, shabbat shalom, L'Shana Tova, etc and they know I am an atheist. Doesn't bother me a bit. I thank them, smile and go on with my life.
I have fondness for the various celebrations with my extended family, and that is the nature I take their religious greetings with. Not to mention the food!
I attend every holiday with my family and even participate in the ceremonies. The holidays mean nothing to me from a religious aspect.
You'd believe if you just opened your heart" is a terrible argument for religion. It's basically saying, "If you bias yourself enough, you can convince yourself that this is true." If religion were true, people wouldn't need faith to believe it -- it would be supported by good evidence.
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RE: how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?
January 30, 2015 at 8:48 pm
To be honest, I'm in a similar situation, with my parents being Christian and making me get confirmed and whatnot.
But, if it genuinely offends you, just say something to him, and explain why. People are more likely to listen to what you have to say if you tell them why. Most people will appreciate honesty, and if your dad is a good parent, he will appreciate the trust you put in him.
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