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Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm
I will never tell my father I am an atheist.
Here's why:
He's not very religious and doesn't go to church, but he believes in god and that loved ones are reunited after death. He is comforted by this belief because he has lost his parents, his only sibling, his wife (my mother), his only son (my brother), and his two step-sons (my half-brothers). I am his only daughter.
If I tell him I'm an atheist, that's like telling him I am choosing to be left out of the great family reunion that will happen in heaven.
Telling him I'm an atheist so that I can feel better ("I can be myself!") would be incredibly selfish.
He would respect my choice. But he would be devastated by it. He has suffered so much already; I will never hurt him by doing this.
I am not posting this to dissuade anyone else from "coming out" to their family. Everyone's situation is unique. But I would advise that, before doing so, you give serious thought to how this decision might affect them.
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm
(This post was last modified: July 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
Ah the careful manouvering around cherished ideals and wishes of our loved ones. It can be an art. I always tell my wife -re the big happy after death reunion- that it sounds fantastic, and that it would be nice to be there for that, that I would look forward to it. Not an ounce of dishonesty there, even though I don't believe it for a minute.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm
I think that believing in a great family reunion would be devastating. I would assume that one life is long enough with the same people. 
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 3:48 pm
There is always that.....some skeletons should probably stay in the closet..lol.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 3:54 pm
@frankie - that's true, one life with someone could be long enough. But how about religious friends ? I'm sure that some people would like to meet not only with their family, but also with their close friends in this so-called 'heaven'. My parents are religious - when my dad survived cancer (got one of his kidneys cut out, tho) my mom was praying every day. Can't just go and tell them "Hey, mom and dad, I'm an atheist, sorry about that." you know. I respect Humanist's decision because of that.
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Quote:...one life is long enough with the same people
Depends on the life. My younger brother was the best of our family, and he died after a too-short life.
An eternity with my older half-brothers, however, would drive me absolutely insane. 
I wonder if theists give that much thought... they probably just assume heaven will be like earth and you can live separately, but visit with family and friends as often (or as seldom) as you wish. Otherwise it wouldn't be heaven, right? 
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm
The best part is that you choose not to say, not out of fear of becoming an outcast, but to protect his feelings.
That's a good reason.
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Are you sure that the god he believes in would not allow you into the big family reunion?
Not all theists, especially those that aren't fundamentalists, believe in a god that punishes non-believers.
I do agree, that protecting his feelings is noble.
You'd believe if you just opened your heart" is a terrible argument for religion. It's basically saying, "If you bias yourself enough, you can convince yourself that this is true." If religion were true, people wouldn't need faith to believe it -- it would be supported by good evidence.
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm
(July 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm)Simon Moon Wrote: Are you sure that the god he believes in would not allow you into the big family reunion? Not all theists, especially those that aren't fundamentalists, believe in a god that punishes non-believers.
Good point. Never thought of that. But I can't think of any way to ask him about it without having the "entire" conversation... know what I mean?
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RE: Why I Won't "Come Out" to Dad
July 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm
(July 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm)HappyHumanist Wrote: Good point. Never thought of that. But I can't think of any way to ask him about it without having the "entire" conversation... know what I mean?
I know exactly what you mean, and I was having that thought as I was typing my previous comment.
There may be a way to broach it as a hypothetical, if you wanted to pursue it.
You'd believe if you just opened your heart" is a terrible argument for religion. It's basically saying, "If you bias yourself enough, you can convince yourself that this is true." If religion were true, people wouldn't need faith to believe it -- it would be supported by good evidence.
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