In support of the rage of man

[I_am_not_mafia]

So the next question, are the defence mechanisms that you have developed still useful? Or are they hampering you now? If it is the latter then it's better to come to terms with why you had to learn those defence mechanisms and feel confident enough to not let them control you. That doesn't mean to say that it will now make you a weak victim again. You can still stand up for yourself. You won't ever forget how. It's about taking back control of your life so you don't get triggered to do something that harms you.