Black Pill Dating Theory?

[Belacqua]

@Belacqua

Yes, attractiveness is not 100% down to physical aspects.  But I'd argue that a large proportion of it is. Consider how many of the things you listed are connected to physical body/face appearance: it is much easier to look good/stylish if you're tall, slim and pretty than if you're short and fat and ugly.  There's a reason why most models and actors are the way they are.  Confidence comes from being treated a certain way and from prior success; people bullied or rejected from childhood for being fat or ugly etc are far less likely to have confidence.  Even grooming and hygiene can often be tied to mental health, and if someone has body image issues or depression through loneliness and bullying they're far less likely to groom adequately.  

And, on top of all this, there's the halo effect, where positive personality traits are ascribed with bias based upon physicality - height is connected to authority and confidence, like a deep voice; creepiness or evil is connected to facial shape or disability; and so on.  Sometimes when people think they're being attracted to someone's confidence they're mistakenly attributing their attraction away from the unconscious bias towards height, health, slimness, facial symmetry and the like.

As for people like Satre who was not exactly a looker to say the least, we are talking about outliers who overcompensated for their looks by being a world class talent and having unapproachable status, as well as likely unearthly charisma.  And it was in a previous less image saturated age.  

In short, I agree that looks aren't everything.  But I do think they are vital in terms of a minimum threshold (no one dates someone they find physically repulsive), and they are far more influential than many suppose.  Looks aren't the be all end all, but they are likely the single most determinant factor in someone's dating life, and likely important in life success in general (promotions, friendships, interpersonal judgements, opportunities, etc).

Yes, I'm sure you're right. Raw looks aren't everything, but they go a long way. And it does make sense that unattractiveness can become a vicious circle -- a high school kid who gets teased for his appearance is likely to lose confidence and, in this way, become even less charming. 

I suppose that realistically, most guys look about average, and what comes across as ugliness is to some extent something they can work on. Like they can't be Brad Pitt but they can be presentable. The unpleasant-looking kid from high school could probably clean up pretty well if he doesn't give up.

A while back a young man from America came to visit me here in Japan, and it was clear that he was very interested in getting a Japanese girlfriend. He is not bad looking, but every day he wore the unofficial uniform of his college: cargo shorts and a T-shirt. Plus he slouched when he walked. People dress up more in Japan, though, so I did my best to give him a make-over to bring out his best look. But there were issues with his confidence, and he somehow felt that he deserved to dress down, or that it would be dishonest of him to put some thought into his hair style. 

I mean, it's shallow to judge by looks, but it makes some sense that a man who can't be bothered to take care of himself, or put in any effort at all, may have other issues that would scare away potential lovers. Even us plain guys can show the world that we haven't given up.

At my first university there was a brilliant grad student who got a lot of attention. She was tall and confident and dressed well back in the days when the rest of us wore mostly jeans and army surplus. In photos it's clear that she has quite a plain-looking face, but she made the impression of a stand-out. (It became a running joke that every famous person who came to campus to speak would make a pass at her.) She ended up marrying one of the richest men in America and currently lives across the street from the Metropolitan Museum, so she can walk to work when she's curating an exhibition. So people think of her as very attractive, but that to me is more about brain-power and aura, rather than raw good looks.

A lot of life is just style. The choices we make about how we present ourselves and how we greet the world do tell people a lot.