Great news for everyone

[Erinome]

Hey guys and gals, I've got some fantastic news that you'll really want to know about.

I'll be checking your sources, of course.

Did you know that Jesus loves you?

As much as a fictional character from a poorly written book can.

Yeah, it's true. He really does love you personally and all he wants from you in return is for you to love him more than anything or anyone else in this world. That's it. Pretty cool huh?

No. Not cool. I would never love Jesus... not even a little, because Jesus isn't even the most interesting fictional character out there. I love Batman. Batman is worthy of my love because he's got cool gadgets, and what I imagine to be a big penis.

All kidding aside, I would never ever love a fictional character from any book more than I love the real people in my life. What kind of brainwashed, ignorant moron would do that? Disgusting!

But that's not all. Because you love him that means that when you die you will be resurrected to spend the rest of eternity in paradise where you can carry on worshipping him and loving him for ever. Isn't that fantastic?

I'd rather just cease to exist, or go to hell and burn with my brothers, thank you. Why would I want to go to a place that's supposedly paradise, yet filled with all sorts of the same mindless sheep I avoided in life. And for eternity? Get fucking real. Send me where these awesome people are going, please:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s47ArcQL-XQ

I know atheists are only the way they are because they hate God, have given in to the temptation of the flesh and evils of science and are spiritually lost.

Science is evil? Go fuck yourself. You're communicating all of this heinously arrogant and stupid bullshit with us right now through the grace of science. Remember science is evil when you have a potentially fatal disease, and aren't ready to go to your paradise yet. Fool!!!

I used to be the same as you until just a few days ago but now I have been saved and I'm so happy that I just want to share that happiness with my fellow humans.

Did your god tell you to lie too? No way you were ever like the atheists here, buddy. Don't feed us your bullshit.

But now I'm so much better than you because I've been born again into the truth of divine love and knowledge. But you can be as good as me if you want. Brilliant isn't it?

Nope. Stupid. There is not a shred of truth to anything having to do with your shitty religion. I was born okay the first time, thank you.

Just study your bible and you'll find Jesus there waiting for you.

Bless you.

-Saved

I have studied the bible. It made me absolutely sick. Have you studied the bible? And you didn't get sick? What kind of amoral asshole are you, anyway?

You're either a liar, or have a severely damaged moral compass. It's that simple.