A personal and worry question

[Reforged]

1. Are their panic attacks associated with your Agoraphobia? (I ask this because it's important for distinguishing a mechanism)
2. Are you on any medication?
3. Do you partake in drug/alcohol use?
4. Do you wear or need corrective lenses?
5. Have you ever been diagnosed with any vestibular system irregularities?
6. When did it start?

I have a lot of other questions too. If you want to answer these privately, send me a PM. It really sounds to me like your agoraphobia is the root of a lot of your troubles. I am not a doctor yet, but I might be able to help you or point you in a helpful direction.

This is a link to a little test that you could take that might be helpful to me, or another therapist in assessing the severity of your anxiety disorder.

http://www.psymed.info/default.aspx?m=Test&id=73&l=3

I think you shouldn't make any life changing decisions yet, btw.

1. Yes. Crowds, new people. That kind of thing. If I'm in a car its lessened.
2. No.
3. Very rarely. Quite alot of "herbs" and a few lines. Nothing serious.
4. Nope.
5. Extremely low level aspergers. You'd never know unless I told you. Ultimately its given me high intellect (so I'm told), slight social difficulties and a wonderful singing voice... I made up the last one.
6. I've always had it to some degree but I never knew what it was, I just thought I was shy. It came to a head when I was in college. The crowds got to me, I kept going until I got a certificate then I quit. Didn't finish but at least I got something.

The therapist I've got is one of the best, its early days. I just think my family has been a damaging influence. When I do recover I'll need to decide wether or not to severe connections with that influence.

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Do you have anyone : is your phobia directly related to all this or is it separate from it : no doubt it is exacerbated
by your past but it may not be the cause of it : can you provide more detail about it : for example how extensive
is it : do you have a daily regime : how often do you exercise : have you considered therapy : one thing I must
stress : you have made subjective emotional judgements about members of your family : no one knows how
accurate they are so help may be limited but try to avoid as much as possible engaging in ad hom : learn to
let it go : anger is the most destructive of all emotions : will you feel guilty if you leave your mother : she
is subconsciously attempting to emotionally blackmail you is she : what does your sister in law do : what
do you mean when you say she does no thing : is she unemployed : would I be right in assuming that
you are a student : we can help you but it is rather limited : the internet is not the place for this but
if all you want to do is offload then that is fine but anything else requires professional help : hope
this is of some use to you then : carry on if you feel you want to though there is no obligation to

I don't have anyone, haven't for a long time.
Everything is related to everything. Its not a single thing but a long chain of dominos thats started before I was even born from an unhappy union that would inevitably lead to emotional neglect, bullying, isolation, two breakdowns, four years inside this house and now this thread. I used to exercise alot but I suffered a knee injury, I've only just started to get physio for it. I'm currently undergoing councilling for my agoraphobia, I haven't told my councillor about anything to do with this. If I start to think about the past my pulse quickens, I feel my eyes water and I feel angry. The same anger I felt during the days I'd have to defend myself again and again against so many I lost count. The same anger I felt when no-one, including my family, seemed to give a crap. Not enough to help anyway, not enough to stop my brother from kicking me when I was down and selling all my stuff. I block it out before it overwhelms me.
Its doubtful shes trying to emotionally blackmail me but possible. My sister in law works at starbucks, as a result she earns less than her family would have received from benefits at the time. She works there so she doesn't have to help take care of the kids. When shes at home all she does is lie on the couch watching tv, litteraly. There is not an ounce of love toward her own children, you have my word on that. My brother usually does everything regarding the children, he recently took a job in hard labor to receive more of an income and to get away from her. He never gets rest. His back will inevitably buckle again as a result, Mother will go into one of her panic attacks, Father will bitch about how he has to transport my brothers broken body to the hospital and I will be left to help pick up the pieces once it all falls down. I feel sorry for the children, I wonder how they will cope with their chain. If they'll do better than I did with mine.
I was a student at college, thats when I couldn't cope with crowds and people anymore.
I just want to know if I should stay to fix my family or leave to pursue my own life once I am able. I should never of had to of put up with this, any of it. I want out... but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. Truth is I'm tired. I don't remember the last time I felt anything other than barely contained anger. Its always there, underneath the pleasentries, the jokes, the smile. Its become the core of who I am... and I'm tired of it. I still have a moral compass though, I'm not that far gone.
So assuming I recover, assuming I can pursue a life and have all the things I wanted... should I stay or should I leave?