Becoming atheist

[TaraJo]

For me, it came from a moment of pain.

It was about ten years ago and everything about me and my life were vastly different from what they are now. In fact, I was married at the time and my then wife had just recently found out she's pregnant. She miscarried shortly thereafter.

From a scientific perspective, I can understand how it happened. Hormone levels, things like that, I get it. However, from a spiritual or religious level, I didn't get it. Christians always go on and on about the sanctity of life and protecting the unborn. Why would God choose to kill this child before it was even born?

I'll be the first to admit, where I started out was one of the straw men I've heard used against atheists a lot: I was angry at god. However, from that initial anger, something happened that has fueled my atheist beliefs (or lack thereof). You see, I had been reaching out to God for years and getting nothing in return so I was done with that. Ever since then, I've had a standing deal with any of the Gods of the world; If you're all knowing, you know what it takes to get me to believe; if you're all powerful, you're obviously capable of fulfilling whatever requirements would be needed to get me to believe. Therefore, I'm going to live my life as if there is no God and I am going to do so until God tells me otherwise.

Even more simple, ever since that initial anger, I have found no real, legitimate reason to believe. The historical records regarding Jesus himself are sketchy, at best. If I were going to choose one of the world's major religions based on evidence on which one is better or healthier for me, I'd have to choose Buddhism because at least meditation and mindfulness are positive aspects of the religion; however, even though I acknowledge the good aspects of Buddhism, I also acknowledge that there isn't any real evidence behind the supernatural claims of the religion.

I've rambled long enough. I need to stop posting first thing in the morning.