RE: Just Here for Advice, but Hi!
July 28, 2013 at 11:41 am
(This post was last modified: July 28, 2013 at 12:28 pm by Pinja.)
Sorry for the long post! And thanks for the others who’ve said hi! :3
I see! Then I guess I should just go ahead and ask for advice in my intro thread, too.
It’s not that interesting, I promise.
So…
I’m dating someone who’s going through a crisis of faith.
I didn’t know this when he asked me out, but now that we’ve spent some time together, it’s out in the open. He’s no longer attending church, he’s just (in the past few weeks) confessed to his parents that he can no longer accept Christianity as it was taught to him, and while he still believes in a god, he’s hurt and angry at that same god.
He comes from an incredibly religious background. His parents and siblings, friends and peers, are all involved with his former church, and he himself used to travel a lot (not just within one country) with his family doing church work (I’m not sure what that entails). I figured, for him to have left it all behind, something horrible must have happened, and it turned out… yeah, something horrible did happen.
I’ve never understood why anyone would be religious to begin with so I can’t even begin to understand what having of a crisis of faith actually means for him, and he can’t seem communicate it well enough for me to get it. It’s been OK so far because we love a lot of the same things—science, volunteering, gaming, teaching, blah blah blah—and we can geek out over those other things.
I’m starting to notice, however, that his approach to it all seems to be a very Christian one. For example: While he’s gotten a degree in a field closely related to mine, I’m definitely a lot more scientifically literate; it’s almost lead to arguments, but he’s willing to accept that if there’s rigorous experiments backing things, those things are real. It’s almost like he learned what was required for his degree, but relied on his religion for the rest, and never bothered to ask more and learn more. His views on social roles are also conservative, which I can’t stand and have started to challenge him on.
I want to be supportive, but I can’t understand at all. He knows I’m an atheist. I’ve tried to ask about things, a bit, but he’s evasive or quiet about them, so I’ve backed off just to be safe.
I’m worried that once he resolves this crisis, he’ll just be as religious as ever. How many people actually become non-religious theists or atheists after going through crises of faiths?
Should I just leave it completely alone?
Should I make an issue of it? While I don’t mind theism, I do mind most religions, such as Christianity.
Should I just cut my losses?
Should I recommend him books written by atheists or something? (I never had to read any myself so I don’t even know where I would start.)
For anyone who’s gone through a crisis of faith, what helped? What didn’t?
I’m kind of flailing around. It’s obvious this is important for him. It’s just as obvious that it isn’t as important to me.
Is there a book or several that I can read?
He’s also expressed the sentiment that there must be a god because I’m apparently really, really kind and stuff, which definitely makes me uncomfortable. How ironic that an atheist would reaffirm his faith because she’s what his faith demands a person should be. I don’t want to do anything that’s against my own beliefs and morals just to make sure he remains non-religious.
I was hoping to get different perspectives on this from people who used to be Christian, from people who’ve dated Christians, from anyone who’s had any experience at all with being friends with people going through crises of faith.
Edit:
Overall, I guess I just want a better understanding of what he’s going through, and how I can positively affect that instead of becoming a huge rage-monster when he says something I seriously, genuinely do not agree with.
(July 27, 2013 at 10:51 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Lots of weird stuff happens in intro threads.
Hello.
I see! Then I guess I should just go ahead and ask for advice in my intro thread, too.
(July 28, 2013 at 5:12 am)Stimbo Wrote:(July 27, 2013 at 9:54 pm)Pinja Wrote: Well, um, that’s actually an appropriate welcome message considering my problem.
Now you've definitely caught my attention...
It’s not that interesting, I promise.
So…
I’m dating someone who’s going through a crisis of faith.
I didn’t know this when he asked me out, but now that we’ve spent some time together, it’s out in the open. He’s no longer attending church, he’s just (in the past few weeks) confessed to his parents that he can no longer accept Christianity as it was taught to him, and while he still believes in a god, he’s hurt and angry at that same god.
He comes from an incredibly religious background. His parents and siblings, friends and peers, are all involved with his former church, and he himself used to travel a lot (not just within one country) with his family doing church work (I’m not sure what that entails). I figured, for him to have left it all behind, something horrible must have happened, and it turned out… yeah, something horrible did happen.
I’ve never understood why anyone would be religious to begin with so I can’t even begin to understand what having of a crisis of faith actually means for him, and he can’t seem communicate it well enough for me to get it. It’s been OK so far because we love a lot of the same things—science, volunteering, gaming, teaching, blah blah blah—and we can geek out over those other things.
I’m starting to notice, however, that his approach to it all seems to be a very Christian one. For example: While he’s gotten a degree in a field closely related to mine, I’m definitely a lot more scientifically literate; it’s almost lead to arguments, but he’s willing to accept that if there’s rigorous experiments backing things, those things are real. It’s almost like he learned what was required for his degree, but relied on his religion for the rest, and never bothered to ask more and learn more. His views on social roles are also conservative, which I can’t stand and have started to challenge him on.
I want to be supportive, but I can’t understand at all. He knows I’m an atheist. I’ve tried to ask about things, a bit, but he’s evasive or quiet about them, so I’ve backed off just to be safe.
I’m worried that once he resolves this crisis, he’ll just be as religious as ever. How many people actually become non-religious theists or atheists after going through crises of faiths?
Should I just leave it completely alone?
Should I make an issue of it? While I don’t mind theism, I do mind most religions, such as Christianity.
Should I just cut my losses?
Should I recommend him books written by atheists or something? (I never had to read any myself so I don’t even know where I would start.)
For anyone who’s gone through a crisis of faith, what helped? What didn’t?
I’m kind of flailing around. It’s obvious this is important for him. It’s just as obvious that it isn’t as important to me.
Is there a book or several that I can read?
He’s also expressed the sentiment that there must be a god because I’m apparently really, really kind and stuff, which definitely makes me uncomfortable. How ironic that an atheist would reaffirm his faith because she’s what his faith demands a person should be. I don’t want to do anything that’s against my own beliefs and morals just to make sure he remains non-religious.
I was hoping to get different perspectives on this from people who used to be Christian, from people who’ve dated Christians, from anyone who’s had any experience at all with being friends with people going through crises of faith.
Edit:
Overall, I guess I just want a better understanding of what he’s going through, and how I can positively affect that instead of becoming a huge rage-monster when he says something I seriously, genuinely do not agree with.