RE: Just Here for Advice, but Hi!
July 30, 2013 at 6:15 am
(This post was last modified: July 30, 2013 at 6:26 am by pineapplebunnybounce.)
Hi pinja, I don't think I welcomed you, so welcome 
.
A crisis of faith, is not something you should be too worried about. Because as far as I know, I've never seen anyone permanently stuck in this crisis. I want to make it clear that everything I say here, is completely from my experience, and from observing others, and your boyfriend's situation may be different.
BTW, it also really depends on whether your bf is rejecting parts of Christianity because he can no longer accept it as true, or he's just doing it because he doesn't care if it's true, he's just mad at god. For the first, the situation may be similar to what I experienced, as it would lead him to doubt the entirety of the god claim eventually, for the second ... I have no idea how that works.
I had a similar "crisis", but it was a lot more private because it was long after I left church or had any Christians around me who knew I was Christian. It's basically just this struggle within myself about what I know, and how it conflicts with what I believed in. And this fear that I'm losing my faith (taught as a bad thing in Christianity). So basically, I'm doing 2 things at once: 1. trying to reconcile my beliefs with my knowledge (will result in abandoning faith) and 2. trying to hold on to my faith. The thing that held me to 2. was fear. I'm not sure if that's the case with your bf or if he just, as you say, doesn't have enough knowledge to explain the world and is falling back on what he already knows.
It's a good thing that when I was going through this no one challenged me directly on my beliefs. Certainly a lot of things did, but not directly. If someone had asked me why do I doubt my faith, I would spring right back and assure them that I did not. Because in Christianity, you're taught to be a witness for god, if you are doubting your faith, it's not good of you to cost others their salvation as well. (I know how crazy can this get). But yea, that's what I went through.
Now I'll tell you about a friend I have, who is going through a similar crisis but with a different religion (won't say it here because its his personal things, just to be on the safe side). He is dealing with this really differently than I did, he knows I have strong opinions about religion and his in particular, and he seeks me out to talk about it, argue with me about it, while firmly maintaining that he no longer believes in god or his religion (claiming that his religion sucks, when he has been defending it the whole time). I don't challenge him on his claim of disbelief, and I rarely ever bring up religion with him, because generally my life has very little to do with religion. I plan to just let him be, it's a process, and I think he'll eventually get there. Or somewhere.
What I do believe, is that this process is entirely personal. You could try to push someone along, but it never really works. Just like deconversion can never happen just because you explain to someone their god is illogical, you can only plant little questions in them that they may one day decide to acknowledge. If I were in your position, I wouldn't push your bf into being clear about his religious stance, I wouldn't pressure him into having to identify as something. But I wouldn't refrain from discussing things with him like i do with everyone else. No need to keep out the "controversial" topics that may suggest god doesn't exist, but don't bring up god unless he does. It really depends on how he is, the friend I mentioned never gets mad at me for disagreeing with him on everything, but I have met people who would get hostile if you even come near their religion and suggest it's crap.
As for whether or not you should cut your losses ... I don't mind being around religious people if they don't mind my atheism.
Anyway, I hope that's helpful for you. This isn't a very scientific area, and I guess do what you think is best
. Good luck.
.A crisis of faith, is not something you should be too worried about. Because as far as I know, I've never seen anyone permanently stuck in this crisis. I want to make it clear that everything I say here, is completely from my experience, and from observing others, and your boyfriend's situation may be different.
BTW, it also really depends on whether your bf is rejecting parts of Christianity because he can no longer accept it as true, or he's just doing it because he doesn't care if it's true, he's just mad at god. For the first, the situation may be similar to what I experienced, as it would lead him to doubt the entirety of the god claim eventually, for the second ... I have no idea how that works.
I had a similar "crisis", but it was a lot more private because it was long after I left church or had any Christians around me who knew I was Christian. It's basically just this struggle within myself about what I know, and how it conflicts with what I believed in. And this fear that I'm losing my faith (taught as a bad thing in Christianity). So basically, I'm doing 2 things at once: 1. trying to reconcile my beliefs with my knowledge (will result in abandoning faith) and 2. trying to hold on to my faith. The thing that held me to 2. was fear. I'm not sure if that's the case with your bf or if he just, as you say, doesn't have enough knowledge to explain the world and is falling back on what he already knows.
It's a good thing that when I was going through this no one challenged me directly on my beliefs. Certainly a lot of things did, but not directly. If someone had asked me why do I doubt my faith, I would spring right back and assure them that I did not. Because in Christianity, you're taught to be a witness for god, if you are doubting your faith, it's not good of you to cost others their salvation as well. (I know how crazy can this get). But yea, that's what I went through.
Now I'll tell you about a friend I have, who is going through a similar crisis but with a different religion (won't say it here because its his personal things, just to be on the safe side). He is dealing with this really differently than I did, he knows I have strong opinions about religion and his in particular, and he seeks me out to talk about it, argue with me about it, while firmly maintaining that he no longer believes in god or his religion (claiming that his religion sucks, when he has been defending it the whole time). I don't challenge him on his claim of disbelief, and I rarely ever bring up religion with him, because generally my life has very little to do with religion. I plan to just let him be, it's a process, and I think he'll eventually get there. Or somewhere.
What I do believe, is that this process is entirely personal. You could try to push someone along, but it never really works. Just like deconversion can never happen just because you explain to someone their god is illogical, you can only plant little questions in them that they may one day decide to acknowledge. If I were in your position, I wouldn't push your bf into being clear about his religious stance, I wouldn't pressure him into having to identify as something. But I wouldn't refrain from discussing things with him like i do with everyone else. No need to keep out the "controversial" topics that may suggest god doesn't exist, but don't bring up god unless he does. It really depends on how he is, the friend I mentioned never gets mad at me for disagreeing with him on everything, but I have met people who would get hostile if you even come near their religion and suggest it's crap.
As for whether or not you should cut your losses ... I don't mind being around religious people if they don't mind my atheism.
Anyway, I hope that's helpful for you. This isn't a very scientific area, and I guess do what you think is best
. Good luck.
