Just Here for Advice, but Hi!

[The Reality Salesman01]

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I see! Then I guess I should just go ahead and ask for advice in my intro thread, too.

Welcome aboard.

I’m dating someone who’s going through a crisis of faith.

Ah ha!

I want to be supportive, but I can’t understand at all. He knows I’m an atheist. I’ve tried to ask about things, a bit, but he’s evasive or quiet about them, so I’ve backed off just to be safe. .

He’s holding on to God, and he thinks he has a good reason to. For whatever reason, God is providing him a comfort for something that he can’t make sense of without. You have to figure out what his gap is. If you can fill that gap with something real, it will be easier for him, I think.

How many people actually become non-religious theists or atheists after going through crises of faiths?

LOTS! How many people grow up believing in Santa, and know better as adults? It works with God too. For some people, it just takes longer to catch on.

Should I just leave it completely alone?

Stay away from confrontational forms of speech. My girlfriend tells me all the time, that when I get worked up in an argument, I start using hand gestures, and it intimidates her! Lol. I think anybody that has a niche for smelling bullshit tends to get worked up when there’s an abundance of it in the immediate area. If it does come up, you’ve got to approach it as if you were talking to a child that was holding a dead puppy. You’re trying to console while trying to offer clarity.

Should I make an issue of it? While I don’t mind theism, I do mind most religions, such as Christianity.

Christianity does ask some crazy things of its followers, but a lot of Christians, aren’t that different than us. They’re not all radicals or extremists. Christians, like Atheists, can get a worse reputation than they deserve from the people before them that drag it through the dirt. In the end, Christianity just doesn’t make any sense. Lots of terrible things have happened in the name of God(s), but each individual that believes in those Gods, believes in them in a different way, and isn’t responsible for all those terrible things. Try to take put your biases for religions aside, and just approach the subject objectively, on the merits of the claims your boyfriend believes. Every Christian seems to have their own brand, and its important to address the brand that’s unique to him. When you do this, keep the above advice in mind.

Should I just cut my losses?

No way! That’s what makes this forum so fun. Each time you hear a new God brand, it’s an opportunity to sharpen and reinforce the thinking skills that prevent you from falling victim to them. Talking to your boyfriend is an opportunity for you to grow as much as it is for him. Tact is the key (I still struggle with this myself).

Should I recommend him books written by atheists or something? (I never had to read any myself so I don’t even know where I would start.)

Reading some may be helpful to you in understanding more of the barriers in place for believers. The books address a lot of them, and make convincing objections to them. We offer them all the time here, but until the individual decides to really challenge their beliefs, they won’t hit the mark. He’s wearing blinders, but they’re fading. He sounds smart, and its important not to make him feel dumb for his beliefs. A lot of times, that will make someone hold on longer. He may already have decided against it, but is pretending otherwise out of fear of hearing “I told you so’s!” It’s important that he knows your on his team. Be sympathetic if you can’t be empathetic. Perhaps you could get a book to read with him. Express your own ignorance on the subject, like:
“I don’t really understand all the God objections either, lets look at this book together. Maybe it will help make more sense of it for US”
Allow him a chance to discover something neither one of you has thought about. Just like everyone believes for their own reason, lots of people abandon those beliefs for different reasons as well. We all find it very interesting to talk about on here.

I hope some of this is useful. Welcome to the forums, hope to see ya around!!!