Have you ever felt you were missing out on the good things church has to offer?

[Fruity]

Yeah. I miss being told what to do in just about every aspect of my life. I miss feeling guilty about almost every aspect of my life. I miss not going to the movies because it's a sin. I miss not dancing, because it's a sin, but jumping up and down during worship, because that's the closest thing to dancing and it's allowed. I miss thinking everything related to sex is perverse. I miss having to give up my money. I miss being told to remain humble in every way and submit to Jesus and the leaders, or the god would have to humiliate me for my own good. I miss having to stop and pray before a super delicious dinner when I was super hungry. I miss serving with glee and humility during after church events, Sunday school, outreach events, etc. I miss being called to the pastor's office for "my side of the story" and then waiting to see if I will be put in discipline or if he feels I've done the right thing. I miss standing in front of 500 church members to say I'm sorry for getting pregnant (because if I would have taken the time to plan out my sin, I would have used a condom and then never had to apologize, since nobody would have known). I miss being locked in a room in a Bible institute for purification purposes (not for me, but for everybody else, so I didn't interfere with their cleansing). I miss being pushed by preacher's who wanted to seem powerful when I fell onto somebody's arms and then placed neatly on the floor along with all the other idiots like me. I miss the pastor making all the decisions for me on behalf of the god. I miss being invited to churches to preach and then performing all of these funnies unto them, like it was done unto me. I miss the little cup of grape juice and the little piece of salted cracker during the last part of Sunday service when I was mostly hungry. I miss laughing along with everybody else when the pastor said a lame joke during he sermon.

And oh, yeah, the cake sales, too.