I work for a church and I can't stand it any more.

[strawdawg]

OK fair enough

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I'll tell you this much, I've been fighting suicidal thoughts for some 7-8 years now and a few years ago it's all I could think about 24/7.

I pulled through the worst of it by the skin of my teeth, and without the support of my wife I think it's unlikely I'd still be here.

I'd God wanted to pick a time to turn up, introduce himself and help me, that would have been it. But not a whisper in the wind.

And please don't anyone say God was acting through my wife. It's the most ridiculous rationalization in order to give credit to God whether or not he even exists. If you want to bring god into it, I would blame him for putting me through hell on earth for no apparent reason. If he saved me from it, he gave me it in the first place.

I'm not mad at God, I simply see no evidence that any exist. All I see is evidence to the contrary.

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. I know where you're coming from. I'm a paralegal my husband is an attorney. I began to have emotional issues. Bad to. He up and leaves me for someone else. Sooo, I'm divorced. My standard of living as you can imagine took a hit. Things are Okay now but I still fight getting into the rut I was in. Unlike you I turned to God, I had no where else to go. He helped me, that is not to say I was problem free, I wasn't. I have learned to forgive. My ex has 3 little girls now, I have even baby sat for them. There's guilt there, he helped me get the job I have now. It was painful but it worked out.

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My Dad had a saying....God helps those that help themselves. It's true.