Hate the belief, not the believer

[Losty]

Losty, you are a very nice person. For myself...I find it hard to separate the asshole from the ass.

I try to be a nice person. Recently I am struggling a lot with it.

Hate isn't something I do. I've tried to express that in the thread. I don't think I have ever truly hated someone. These are mostly people I love. I love them and I want to say it's not their fault because they honestly believe this thing and that thing, so having that belief and then doing these things in their mind is love. These are awful things done with good intentions....right? But lately it has gotten to a point here I just cannot understand how anyone could not see that these are not good things. If you're hurting me out of some sort of tough love because your religion tells you this and that, if it's so bad that I have to move and change my number, it becomes obvious that what you're doing isn't okay. That it's wrong. Can someone possibly be so deluded by their religion that they honestly think what they're doing is ok or even right? And when it gets to this point of disrupting my life and my peace of mind and my sanity do your good intentions even count for anything?

This is a war I have with myself inside my own mind. I will tell myself that I am done making excuses that they're terrible people and only they are to blame for what they've done, but then I always find myself right back to making excuses for them. Telling myself it's not their fault because they were raised to believe these things and so they don't know or understand the effects of what they're doing.

But then...I was raised that way too. Sigh. I don't understand how people can let their religion influence them to a point of hurting someone.

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That's right. Hating someone does not hurt them. So it really doesn't matter. What matters is actions. If that hate caused you to do something to them that you otherwise wouldn't, then that becomes a problem. As far as I'm concerned, thoughts don't hurt anyone.

So I agree, go ahead and hate someone who has hurt you. It's a natural reaction. I would also guess that trying to stifle that emotion may make it harder for you to deal with what has happened in the long term. And hate tends to fade over time, if it is not reignited.

I would argue that thoughts DO hurt someone - the person who is thinking them. You can't be happy or at peace at the same time you're feeling angry. That's the real value of forgiveness. It's for YOU - not for the person you are forgiving. You can think all the evil thoughts in the world about someone and it's not going to hurt them one iota. It WILL hurt you though.

Anger is indeed natural but it's not healthy. It can be tempered with intellect - especially if you accept the fact that you are only harming yourself with it. It's bad enough if someone wrongs you through some action but staying mad at them only compounds it.

And being too forgiving only sets you up for being hurt again by the same people in the same way. This is where I usually struggle. This is what gets me every time.