Hate the belief, not the believer

[AFTT47]

I would argue that thoughts DO hurt someone - the person who is thinking them. You can't be happy or at peace at the same time you're feeling angry. That's the real value of forgiveness. It's for YOU - not for the person you are forgiving. You can think all the evil thoughts in the world about someone and it's not going to hurt them one iota. It WILL hurt you though.

Anger is indeed natural but it's not healthy. It can be tempered with intellect - especially if you accept the fact that you are only harming yourself with it. It's bad enough if someone wrongs you through some action but staying mad at them only compounds it.

And being too forgiving only sets you up for being hurt again by the same people in the same way. This is where I usually struggle. This is what gets me every time.

Letting go of anger at them isn't the same as allowing them to hurt you again. Think of a convicted murderer. You don't have to insist on hurting him out of revenge but you don't just turn him loose. You incarcerate him - not out of anger but for the utilitarian purpose of preventing him for doing it again. Then you put the bastard out of your mind so you can go on happily with the rest of your life.