Stereotyping and morality

[Joods]

I'm speaking from my experience as well. My father consistently fits the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (especially the grandiosity and lack of empathy and exploiting people for his gain criteria), and yet I know he has moral principles that he strictly adheres to. For example, he is a strong believer that violence is never the answer to any problem. And, in fact, he never physically abused any of his children or been in a fistfight. As far as I know, he's never stolen anything valuable from anyone. He's never been to jail. He's helped people in need. And he's even felt concern for my health when I was severely ill some time ago. How is that not someone with moral standards?

I'm not saying they aren't difficult and frustrating people, or even dangerous. They are, but it's a bit of a stretch to say they lack morality.

Then it is quite possible that your dad is not narcissistic to a point of fitting the diagnosis. All of us have some healthy levels of narcissism in us. For an individual to be dx'd with NPD, they need to fit a certain number of criteria as outlined in the DSM-V.

Grandiosity, Empathy (lack of) and Attention-seeking (exploiting others, per say) are only three out of ten symptoms of NPD. To be diagnosed with NPD, the person must meet five or more of these symptoms.

I don't know your dad. All I know is that I have dealt with a total of five people in my life who met five or more of those symptoms. Each and every one of them seriously lacked morality. Once their mask fell off and they could be seen as they truly were - they didn't seem to care who saw through their facade. They had no filter, no control and didn't care who they hurt to get what they wanted. They have no problem pretending to care about someone so that they could reap some sort of benefit. They don't have to cause physical harm to be dangerous. Mental, emotional and verbal abuse is still abuse and it still hurts the victim.

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I just read your thread about your ex. I can see what you mean. Even if narcissists in general do have morals (when everything is going fine), they are still damaging and harmful people in times of "war". My father almost destroyed me as an adolescent when I was still living with them. Hope things get reversed and you get to have your children soon.

It's a complicated disorder.

Thank you. Sadly this is the beauty and the beast of this disorder. They are very manipulative and are extremely skilled at making themselves out to be the victim while the true victim looks like the villain.