It is really scary how the mind works. I also find myself obsessing and then just chaulk it up to an illness like OCD. It means nothing.
Oh, man, have I also written a hundred letters! Never sent one.
The worst I did was tell a mutual friend that I am getting married. This was not to hurt my ex. He does not care about me at all. He never loved me, if fact, because he thinks he may be gay. I think he is bi because he does like women. At any rate, that is way over my head.
I loved him more, let's put it that way. He led me on for years,telling me we would be married, showing me rings, all the things to torment a woman. Then we lived together and I saw a whole different side.......mindblowing depression, Asperger's syndrome, looking at the wall when we talked. He was so depressed he had to recover all weekend from work, laying on the couch crying like a girl! Any form of comfort I offered was soundly rejected as he closed himself into a wall where no one could go.
So I felt OUT of love right then and there. I tried to comfort, to work around it, to not let go years of what i thought was a relationship!
So my sick mind could not let go.
I told our mutual friend I am getting married to burn a bridge in my own mind. If he thinks I am married, he stops wondering how I am, like Dotard said, will not expect me to come around, and it's easier for me to move on if I know there is no going back in either of our minds. I am sure right now he is NOT thinking of me, so it's just a mind game I play on myself.
But I will NEVER EVER EVER send one of the letters or call him or contact him for the rest of my life. I can guarantee that. I went through this when I was younger. It 5 solid years of hell, but I am way over that guy now. So it might take another 5.
I have never been Dxed with OCD so I doubt it's real OCD, by the way. But I have to name it to fully understand it means nothing.
It is "the perfect created human body" showing once again how idiotic it is that anyone would marvel that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."
A god who knew anything would never have made us all so damn frail.
Oh, man, have I also written a hundred letters! Never sent one.
The worst I did was tell a mutual friend that I am getting married. This was not to hurt my ex. He does not care about me at all. He never loved me, if fact, because he thinks he may be gay. I think he is bi because he does like women. At any rate, that is way over my head.
I loved him more, let's put it that way. He led me on for years,telling me we would be married, showing me rings, all the things to torment a woman. Then we lived together and I saw a whole different side.......mindblowing depression, Asperger's syndrome, looking at the wall when we talked. He was so depressed he had to recover all weekend from work, laying on the couch crying like a girl! Any form of comfort I offered was soundly rejected as he closed himself into a wall where no one could go.
So I felt OUT of love right then and there. I tried to comfort, to work around it, to not let go years of what i thought was a relationship!
So my sick mind could not let go.
I told our mutual friend I am getting married to burn a bridge in my own mind. If he thinks I am married, he stops wondering how I am, like Dotard said, will not expect me to come around, and it's easier for me to move on if I know there is no going back in either of our minds. I am sure right now he is NOT thinking of me, so it's just a mind game I play on myself.
But I will NEVER EVER EVER send one of the letters or call him or contact him for the rest of my life. I can guarantee that. I went through this when I was younger. It 5 solid years of hell, but I am way over that guy now. So it might take another 5.
I have never been Dxed with OCD so I doubt it's real OCD, by the way. But I have to name it to fully understand it means nothing.
It is "the perfect created human body" showing once again how idiotic it is that anyone would marvel that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."
A god who knew anything would never have made us all so damn frail.
