(September 3, 2010 at 10:13 am)Dotard Wrote: Did any of that make any sense? If it did, please explain it to me. I lost myself somewhere after "...until the next time."
Yes mate, it made perfect sense to me. I think that's how it works with mentally healthy people.
Unfortunately,I am unable to to forgive some hurts; I actually hate my ex wife.
I don't hate J. My feelings are a weird mixture of sadness and a fantasy of 'what might have been' with large dollops of envy,emotional and sexual jealously.It's pretty fucked.
Last night, I hurled off an angry and bitter email to her after obsessing for three days. I first had a [female] friend whose judgement I trust have a look at it for sense. I had a four point agenda: to hurt her (likely) to make her feel guilty (unlikely;she's a narcissist ) to make myself feel better (worked,I feel a lot better) and to make her stay the fuck away from me. (should work)
My action was morally dubious. It's rare for me to act from self righteous indignation and even rarer for me to deliberately set out to wound another person. I do feel a lot better,and only a little bit guilty.The letter could have been a lot worse. I spent hours drafting and editing. EG removing most adverbs and character attacks ,as well as most expletives. I left in 'selfish ', 'shallow' and 'thoughtlessly cruel" (all in the same paragraph) only one expletive,at the end "It's well and truly time for us both to get over our fucking selves and move on"
It's been an interesting week; I'm too fucking old to be pining from unrequited love.I really do feel more than a little ridiculous.Perhaps that's one reason I became so angry; few people like feeling ridiculous. (Oh,shit, I think I nearly quoted a line from The Godfather1)
