Why Did Uzzah Die For Touching the Ark?

[robvalue]

So why won't God kill me? I'm calling him a worthless lying sack of shit extremely minor deity on work experience. Isn't that worse than touching something? I'm thinking about not just touching his ark, but rubbing one out into it. And as we know, thoughts are as bad as actions.

Kill me God, what you waiting for!

See, once the spell is broken, there is no fear. Or at least only residual fear from prior misinformed beliefs.

Kill me God you great big pussy!

And I mean right now, not "when I die that's when God killed me". Right now. Do it. Uzzah wasn't given a suspended sentence, so why am I getting one? Kill me and take me to hell!

I also don't mean "send some mental person with a hatchet to kill me" either. I want you to do it directly, like you used to.

I have problems. But God isn't one of them

Would any Christians dare to say what I just typed out loud? Go on, try it. Nothing will happen. I say it all the time.