There is only one God
Just like there is one of me?
God is three in one or a Trinity
1≠3... Math Fail.
God is omniscient or "knows all things"
Does he know how many priests are molesting children at this exact moment? If so, damn he can count pretty high then.
God is omnipotent or "all powerful"
Nope. Chuck Norris would kick his ass.
God is omnipresent or "present everywhere"
And yet everyone in the world is still looking for him, and no one has apparently found him yet. He would win the best hide n seek player award.
God is sovereign
Fuck God.
God is holy
Like Swiss cheese?
God is just or "righteous"
God is a dick.
God is love
God is a hate.
God is true
God lies to your children at night. Then rapes them.
God is spirit
Fuck I'm afraid of ghosts
God is the creator of everything that exists
Who created God?
God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God
Hmm, just like the pain of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face is infinite and eternal.
God is immutable. He does not change
Wow, I wonder what his clothes smells like.
The Holy Spirit is God
Fuck the Holy Spirit.
Jesus Christ is God
Fuck Jesus.
Jesus became a man
Lol his balls finally dropped.
Jesus is fully God and fully man
Incredible logic there.. Jesus = God + Man = Godman!
Jesus was sinless
Bullshit, he's a closet pedophile.
Jesus is the only way to God the Father
Drugs can do that too.
Man was created by God in the image of God
I know some pretty ugly people out there.. God fucked up there.
All people have sinned
Not me, I'm perfect.
Death came into the world through Adam's sin
Cancer, Heart Disease, Getting mauled by a bear, etc.
Sin separates us from God
So sin is like those little doggie gates people use to keep their dogs from fucking up the rest of the house..
Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world
Wow he's such a hero!
Jesus' death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live.
I believe he died because he got his ass nailed to a fucking 2 by 4 that was staked in the ground.
Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form.
Fucking ghosts..
Salvation is a free gift of God
It's free but you have to pay for shipping and handling and activation fees.
The Bible is the "inspired" or "God-breathed," Word of God
The Bible is a piece of shit and was written because 2000 years ago people didn't have shit to do other than to write weird shit down!
Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever
Can't wait!
Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him
So I could technically punish, torment, sexually assault, brutally torture and murder a school full of orphans, and the next day accept Jesus fucking Christ and I will live in harmony and bliss with him for eternity. Nice.
Hell is a place of punishment
To me, Hell sounds like Heaven.
Hell is eternal
An endless vacation.. hmmm
There will be a rapture of the church
Can't wait for this either.
Jesus will return to the earth
A million years later... still hasn't shown up yet. Still waiting.
Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns
Wait what? So dead christians, who are already in heaven, will be raised from the dead and be sent back to heaven where they just were? Logic fail.
There will be a final judgment
Who has the best tasting milk?
Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire
I'm pretty sure lakes are made with water.. and water puts out fire.
God will create a new heaven and a new earth
Fuck, I just paid the mortgage off on my house, and now this assholes gonna make us move to a whole new earth? Fuck my life.
Basic Christian Beliefs
Just like there is one of me?
God is three in one or a Trinity
1≠3... Math Fail.
God is omniscient or "knows all things"
Does he know how many priests are molesting children at this exact moment? If so, damn he can count pretty high then.
God is omnipotent or "all powerful"
Nope. Chuck Norris would kick his ass.
God is omnipresent or "present everywhere"
And yet everyone in the world is still looking for him, and no one has apparently found him yet. He would win the best hide n seek player award.
God is sovereign
Fuck God.
God is holy
Like Swiss cheese?
God is just or "righteous"
God is a dick.
God is love
God is a hate.
God is true
God lies to your children at night. Then rapes them.
God is spirit
Fuck I'm afraid of ghosts
God is the creator of everything that exists
Who created God?
God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God
Hmm, just like the pain of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face is infinite and eternal.
God is immutable. He does not change
Wow, I wonder what his clothes smells like.
The Holy Spirit is God
Fuck the Holy Spirit.
Jesus Christ is God
Fuck Jesus.
Jesus became a man
Lol his balls finally dropped.
Jesus is fully God and fully man
Incredible logic there.. Jesus = God + Man = Godman!
Jesus was sinless
Bullshit, he's a closet pedophile.
Jesus is the only way to God the Father
Drugs can do that too.
Man was created by God in the image of God
I know some pretty ugly people out there.. God fucked up there.
All people have sinned
Not me, I'm perfect.
Death came into the world through Adam's sin
Cancer, Heart Disease, Getting mauled by a bear, etc.
Sin separates us from God
So sin is like those little doggie gates people use to keep their dogs from fucking up the rest of the house..
Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world
Wow he's such a hero!
Jesus' death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live.
I believe he died because he got his ass nailed to a fucking 2 by 4 that was staked in the ground.
Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form.
Fucking ghosts..
Salvation is a free gift of God
It's free but you have to pay for shipping and handling and activation fees.
The Bible is the "inspired" or "God-breathed," Word of God
The Bible is a piece of shit and was written because 2000 years ago people didn't have shit to do other than to write weird shit down!
Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever
Can't wait!
Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him
So I could technically punish, torment, sexually assault, brutally torture and murder a school full of orphans, and the next day accept Jesus fucking Christ and I will live in harmony and bliss with him for eternity. Nice.
Hell is a place of punishment
To me, Hell sounds like Heaven.
Hell is eternal
An endless vacation.. hmmm
There will be a rapture of the church
Can't wait for this either.
Jesus will return to the earth
A million years later... still hasn't shown up yet. Still waiting.
Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns
Wait what? So dead christians, who are already in heaven, will be raised from the dead and be sent back to heaven where they just were? Logic fail.
There will be a final judgment
Who has the best tasting milk?
Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire
I'm pretty sure lakes are made with water.. and water puts out fire.
God will create a new heaven and a new earth
Fuck, I just paid the mortgage off on my house, and now this assholes gonna make us move to a whole new earth? Fuck my life.
Basic Christian Beliefs
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