Post jokes about religion/non religion

[NoraBrimstone]

I'd post the biggest religious joke ever, but I think posting the entire bible may break the site.

[Jackalope]

I'd post the biggest religious joke ever, but I think posting the entire bible may break the site.

Last guy that tried that got instabanned within about 90 seconds.

I guess the joke was on him.

[Thor]

A man gets an audience with the Pope and introduces himself as representing the Perdue Chicken Company. He says he has been authorized by the Board of Directors to offer $10 million to the Catholic Church if they agree to change the prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken".

The Pope scoffs at the man and sends him on his way.

A few months later the man returns and informs the Pope that he has now been authorized to offer $50 million if they will change the prayer to "give us this day our daily chicken".

The Pope explains that the prayer is traditional and there's no way he would change it.

A few months later the man returns again. He explains that he has been authorized to make one final offer. He says they will pay $100 million if the prayer is changed to "give us this day our daily chicken".

The Pope scratches his head and says, "Well... that is a lot of money. I can't just refuse it without at least speaking to the Cardinals." He tells the man to come back in a week.

The Pope then convenes a meeting of all the Cardinals. He stands up and announces, "Well, gentlemen, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that we have an opportunity to secure $100 million for the church! The bad news is that we would lose the Wonder Bread account."

[anthropomorphicgoddess]

[Diamond]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

[SkepticalMoron]

So Jesus walks into an inn, throws three nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

[Waratah]

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

[Polaris]

[Gilgamesh]

This one isn't really a joke but meh, I like it:

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Now, jokes:

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And since I'm obsessed with the "do you even lift" meme:

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[Zen Badger]

Then there was the catholic priest who was just mad about golf.

So enthusiastic was he, that he played every chance he got.

One Sunday morning he wake up early and decided to get in a round before church even though it was a sin.

St Peter looks down from heaven and sees the priest about to tee off at the first hole. So he calls God over and says"Look at this priest playing golf on your holy day. What are you going to do about it?"

God says "I'll fix him!"......

So the priest tees off, and gets a hole in one.

Second hole, also a hole in one. And so it goes for the entire 18 holes.

18 holes in one, a perfect score.

Dumbfounded, St Peter says"What sort of punishment is that??"

And God replies....

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Who is he going to tell?

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