Chiches you want to bitch slap.

[Tobie]

I hate the "Public masturbaters are not allowed in this play park" signs too.

I can see where you're coming from. ( Pun intended).

[Brian37]

I hate the "Public masturbaters are not allowed in this play park" signs too.

I cannot be that gullible, you cannot tell me you have really seen a sign like that.

As an aside, yellow in government signage world wide notes commonly "caution". I have a yellow sign, in my neighborhood, with the stick depiction of a boy running and the sign says "Slow children at play"

I know they mean "look out and slow down" But I always think passing that sign, "Really, our neighbor hood is full of kids that rode the short bus and wore hockey helmets?"

[frankiej]

I hate the "Public masturbaters are not allowed in this play park" signs too.

I cannot be that gullible, you cannot tell me you have really seen a sign like that.

You would have to be gullible to believe that such a sign exists.

[Brian37]

How about:

Unlikely crybaby - He bores me to tears.

How are you here if - He literally blew us away.

Why write it down if - It goes without saying...

Not narrow but - broad daylight

Does one take a pee, or give a pee.

Atheists saying - Ohhhh Myyyee Gohdddd

"I need to take a shit" It doesn't piss me off as much as I find it funny. No one unless they have a fetish, will reach into a toilet and pick up shit. You don't take a shit, you leave it.

[Norfolk And Chance]

I have a label inside my underpants which says "keep away from fire"

You don't fucking say.

[Jackalope]

I have a label inside my underpants which says "keep away from fire"

You don't fucking say.

I can't tell you how many times I've almost thrown my underwear in the fire while I was wearing them, only to be stopped by that label.

[Gambit]

Me: I'll see you later.
You: Not if I see you first.

It was during my teenage years, while getting stoned with a friend, that the negative intention of that response was revealed to me. It means if you see me first you'll avoid me. I just hadn't thought about it before. Now when anyone says that to me I never speak to them again, and if they turn up on my doorstep I headbutt them and slam the door in their bloodied face. Apart from that one, nothing much pisses me off.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

I've always loved this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CG69A6qRpSk

---

Something I sometimes say kidding on the square where run into a person I always loathed but have not seen for a long time;


"Well fuck me, George Hitler,it must be 10 years. How are ya George? Y 'know, I'm amazed at the people I run into when I don't have a gun" (mutual guffaws)

[Cato]

I cannot be that gullible, you cannot tell me you have really seen a sign like that.

You would have to be gullible to believe that such a sign exists.

Obviously neither of you have had the experience of walking down an avenue that dumps into St. Peter's Square in Vatican City.

[Cyberman]

A few of my personal peeves (remember I have a British Civil Service background to draw upon):

* Thinking out of the box

* Blue-sky thinking

* 24/7

* Anyone talking about looking at the larger scale when they mean the bigger picture (increasing the scale actually reduces the size of the picture).

* Anyone talking about looking at the bigger picture.

* Anyone who comes up to a lift on the ground floor and says "are you going up?" (No, we're standing still - it must be you going down!)

* People who use SMS- or text-speak in emails and Facebook messages (why? What's the bloody point? It's not as if there's a limit to the number of characters you can use in an email. LOL.)

* People who look at a watch or clock and say "is that the time?" (No, it's the bloody airspeed velocity of a coconut-laden African Swallow!)

* I'll pray for you

* I've been praying for you

* God did answer the prayers but sometimes the answer's "no"

* Anyone who uses the term 'ad hominem' when they mean 'insult'

Not specifically clichés but which stick in my craw anyway:

Any sentence using words such as:

* Gotten (yes, I'm fully aware that it's a very old English spelling for the past tense of "got", it still creases me)

* Bunch (there are times when this word is a perfectly acceptable collective term for things such as flowers and grapes etc. It's when it gets thrown around as the collective term for everything else that it gets very, very irritating)

* Elevator when you mean lift

* First floor when referring to the ground floor of a building

* Tidbit instead of the genuinely correct but slightly rude titbit

* Rooster instead of cock (for similar historically prudish reasons)

* Aluminum when you mean aluminium; pavement when you mean road; sidewalk when you mean pavement; bum when you mean tramp; fanny when you mean bum; ass instead of arse; etc etc. In fact, when in Britain it can be really important not to confuse the words bum and fanny.

I know there's a whole bunch more but it's a pain in the fanny trying to think the bigger picture out of the aluminum box 24/7.

---

Things like "PIN Number" or "ATM Machine" are bloody annoying.

A bit geeky, this one, but in Doctor Who there's a secretive military organisation called UNIT (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce - although in Nu-Who, the real UN apparently objected to the use of their inclusion so it was renamed the UNified Intelligence Taskforce). Anyway, it's so irritating every time I see it referred to as UNIT Taskforce.