Science proves that you should un-friend your ex on Facebook

[Tino]

The science says yes, at least one study did. I can just barely relate to this since I haven't had an ex since the invention of FB, and I don't have a personal FB account. I do have a FB account for my business, and I agree it's better to un-friend an employee when they leave, for whatever reason. How do you handle it and how does it work out for you?

http://io9.com/5944991/science-proves-th...n-facebook

[5thHorseman]

I left my missus a few years ago, had my fb page peppered with bs from our eldest and pm's from her. We're back together(9yrs total, 3yrs since split which was 2 months-ish). If it happened again, i'd unfriend her and my eldest without thinking twice. There's my anecdotal evidence

[Reforged]

I left my missus a few years ago, had my fb page peppered with bs from our eldest and pm's from her. We're back together(9yrs total, 3yrs since split which was 2 months-ish). If it happened again, i'd unfriend her and my eldest without thinking twice. There's my anecdotal evidence

Why unfriend your eldest? If you don't mind me asking.

[Erinome]

My ex and I are still friends on fb. I've deleted him 5 or 6 times now, but after a few weeks of deletion, he calls me up and talks me into accepting his friend request. He doesn't cause me much trouble there, and he never really has. I've deleted him because I don't like having him in my feed, and I don't like him having access to my posts, though now that I've adjusted my security settings, the problem is solved. I still have a lot of feelings for him, and he is still very much in love with me, we're just grown up enough to know we don't work. We have a 3 year old son together, but we made an open adoption plan, so we don't have to communicate for that reason. I am the only one who has access to our son, as he has burned his bridges with the adoptive parents, so I do send him pictures, give him updates, etc.

Honestly, he's still my best friend. He calls me once a week, usually on Fridays. I'm expecting his call any minute, actually. He lives in South Carolina, so it's not like he can just pop over any time. The last 3 times I've gone to SC, to visit my son, who lives a town over from him, I've managed the will power to not visit him at all. That hurts his feelings, but we're those people who can't be in a room together without someone getting pregnant, and it's just not good for either of us. I don't know when we will be able to have a face to face again, so for now, facebook to facebook will have to do.

[Reforged]

The science says yes, at least one study did. I can just barely relate to this since I haven't had an ex since the invention of FB, and I don't have a personal FB account. I do have a FB account for my business, and I agree it's better to un-friend an employee when they leave, for whatever reason. How do you handle it and how does it work out for you?

http://io9.com/5944991/science-proves-th...n-facebook

My ex was about as interesting as listening to a dalek list its favourite wall paper samples in alphabetical order.
Unfriending her was the first thing I did when I broke up with her. I had already tolerated three years of her completely dull, colourless, unoriginal presence. She would often berate me to improve her own self-esteem.
From her I learnt that being with someone who you don't connect with is far worse than being alone. At least when you're alone you're free to be you. When you're with someone who criticizes your every word and act its like being held hostage. A partner should be someone who completes you as opposed to diminishing you.

[Tino]

I left my missus a few years ago, had my fb page peppered with bs from our eldest and pm's from her. We're back together(9yrs total, 3yrs since split which was 2 months-ish). If it happened again, i'd unfriend her and my eldest without thinking twice. There's my anecdotal evidence

Seems to confirm.

---

My ex and I are still friends on fb. I've deleted him 5 or 6 times now, but after a few weeks of deletion, he calls me up and talks me into accepting his friend request. He doesn't cause me much trouble there, and he never really has. I've deleted him because I don't like having him in my feed, and I don't like him having access to my posts, though now that I've adjusted my security settings, the problem is solved. I still have a lot of feelings for him, and he is still very much in love with me, we're just grown up enough to know we don't work. We have a 3 year old son together, but we made an open adoption plan, so we don't have to communicate for that reason. I am the only one who has access to our son, as he has burned his bridges with the adoptive parents, so I do send him pictures, give him updates, etc.

Honestly, he's still my best friend. He calls me once a week, usually on Fridays. I'm expecting his call any minute, actually. He lives in South Carolina, so it's not like he can just pop over any time. The last 3 times I've gone to SC, to visit my son, who lives a town over from him, I've managed the will power to not visit him at all. That hurts his feelings, but we're those people who can't be in a room together without someone getting pregnant, and it's just not good for either of us. I don't know when we will be able to have a face to face again, so for now, facebook to facebook will have to do.

Good job on the willpower. Your experience seems to confirm the article, as in "Facebook surveillance exacerbates feelings of distress over the breakup, as well as inducing more negative feelings. It also increases feelings of sexual desire and longing for the ex-partner (all of which leads to the "why the hell are you doing this to yourself" category of post-breakup questions)."

[TaraJo]

I'm forced to agree with science.

Since November 2009, I've dated 3 people. The first one was just for a couple of months, but things ended anyway. One of his friends wound up posting a big, angry tirade out on my public facebook page. They were quickly all un-friended and I switched my facebook profile to private. Then I was in a relationship for a little over a year and when we split up, we tried to stay friends. Unfortunately, shortly afterward, I kinda made a dick move that resulted in my damaging several friendships, possibly to the point that they can't be repaired. Meh.

[Minimalist]

I don't have an ex or FB.

[Kayenneh]

I have my first ex-boyfriend on fb, but we added each other many years later after our relationship had ended. The first time I tried to add him, he declined, since he had a girlfriend at the time and she didn't approve. Having him as an fb friend works just fine.

On the other hand, my second ex I would never add. His mental issues almost drove me mad and I don't think he would ever have something interesting to say, nor am I interested in what's happening in his life.

[naimless]

Facebook has a lovely un-subscribe feature. I use it for the majority of my friends that post too frequently, and my ex.