Do you believe in marriage?

[KichigaiNeko]

Take her Sky diving zebo!! You following of course!!

Done that, one of the first things I ever asked her was "Do you fancy a jump?!

Hmmm tough one then.

How about a weekend away on a motorbike??

Spa, Wine, fine dining. Lazy ride back through some spectacular countryside??

[Ciel_Rouge]

No. I do not "believe in marriage"

As far as I am to understand, this marriage thingy is nothing more than a social contract that will ensure both parties will easily inherit property, goods and chattel from their union should one or the other dies. This being extended to all offspring of the union.

Inherit property? I suppose this is a bit more in the background compared to the fundamental changes in life this contract brings about. First and foremost, it ensures that you will not have any new sexual partners any more, at least theoretically. What often follows is:

1) a breakup after about 4 years which is a typical lifespan of normal pre-marital relationships
2) no breakup but mutual or one-sided mental and/or physical abuse due to frustration

There is no need for "belief", it is written in law and has probably been in society for as long as man has walked the earth. (which would be a lot longer than the abrahamic religions would have us "believe")

Religions like to deceive us into thinking that their concepts were "always there" because they are probably "natural". Lifelong monogamy is not the only "established in prehistory" and "natural" solution - the muslims established a lifelong POLYgamy and having multiple wives is "the right way" according to them. Furthermore, we do not know what the world was like in the era of matriarchy which collapsed some time before ancient Babylon etc., replaced by a societal system based around "female suppression" that formed subsequently and still sort of exists to this day.

Otherwise it is a foolish person that thinks it is more than a societal contract.

Indeed. True feelings do not have to take a form of a warrant issued by the state, do they?

I totally understand the enthusiasm of people who actually like each other and are soon to be married. But: do you really need this? Aren't you scared of the permanence of this decision?

[Whateverist]

No my wife was an addict. Her problem became my problem. hence "We/Our problem."

I admire that you took that baggage on.

She must have been one mega-babe or else you were one love lorn puppy. I hope she quit for good and doesn't blame you for it.

[Whateverist]

There is something about a live-together, more committed than mere friends relationship that appeals to me. I like the idea of being family and being able to count on each other. I even like being able to take each other for granted, to just be ourselves without playing at anything.

Oddly after almost 30 years sex is still fun, but a different sort of fun than new sex. Frankly, before I met my wife I'd lived alone a while and dated a lot. Even new sex can get a little predictable. At some point, the only way to get to somewhere that really feels new is to persist with one person longer.

[KichigaiNeko]

---

No. I do not "believe in marriage"

As far as I am to understand, this marriage thingy is nothing more than a social contract that will ensure both parties will easily inherit property, goods and chattel from their union should one or the other dies. This being extended to all offspring of the union.

Inherit property? I suppose this is a bit more in the background compared to the fundamental changes in life this contract brings about. First and foremost, it ensures that you will not have any new sexual partners any more, at least theoretically. What often follows is:

1) a breakup after about 4 years which is a typical lifespan of normal pre-marital relationships
2) no breakup but mutual or one-sided mental and/or physical abuse due to frustration

There is no need for "belief", it is written in law and has probably been in society for as long as man has walked the earth. (which would be a lot longer than the abrahamic religions would have us "believe")

Religions like to deceive us into thinking that their concepts were "always there" because they are probably "natural". Lifelong monogamy is not the only "established in prehistory" and "natural" solution - the muslims established a lifelong POLYgamy and having multiple wives is "the right way" according to them. Furthermore, we do not know what the world was like in the era of matriarchy which collapsed some time before ancient Babylon etc., replaced by a societal system based around "female suppression" that formed subsequently and still sort of exists to this day.

Otherwise it is a foolish person that thinks it is more than a societal contract.

Indeed. True feelings do not have to take a form of a warrant issued by the state, do they?

I totally understand the enthusiasm of people who actually like each other and are soon to be married. But: do you really need this? Aren't you scared of the permanence of this decision?

---

[thesummerqueen]

Can't believe this hasn't been posted yet. Shame on all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2m6sHROA3U

Anyway, I'm with Kichi. Marriage was formed to create financial and social contracts. If you don't believe me, I can go scan my great-grandparent's wedding contract next time I'm at my mum's, although it's all written in Hebrew so I guess it's moot. The troubadours evolved because love wasn't anywhere in the marriage equation and "courtly love" was an answer to it.

After joining the local atheist group down here, I was exposed to all sorts of relationships: polygamous and otherwise. People seem happy, healthy, and we all work together quite well. I don't know what about "marriage" there is to believe in. I was very happy being the single chick until I met David, and wouldn't have become his girlfriend for less than how I feel about him and the fact that he's one of the few people in my life whose presence doesn't annoy the fuck out of me no matter how long he's around, and what separates him from that crowd is the fact that I WANT him around even when he's gone. I guess for the sake of benefits or inheritance (we're not interested in kids) it would be cool to get married, but I don't even want a ceremony - I'd rather elope somewhere nice.

So far it's our habit to celebrate every month of staying together as two commit-a-phobes who decided to try committing to someone after years of being single. I doubt being "married" would change anything about our behaviors other than having a combined checking account and the type of relationship jokes we make. If you ask me, maturation and age are better change mechanisms than some silly, over-priced ceremony.

[Ciel_Rouge]

I totally understand the enthusiasm of people who actually like each other and are soon to be married. But: do you really need this? Aren't you scared of the permanence of this decision?

Aren't you scared of breathing? The permanence of this situation will lead to your death.

Breathing is a natural function of the body. Forced lifelong monogamy or polygamy isn't. And at the point when the state issues a warrant regarding your feelings, it stops being about your feelings anymore and becomes something the state wants you to do. For me this is scary, artificial and wrong - in so many ways

[Whateverist]

Simple. Just say "no thanks" instead of "I do".

[Darkstar]

Breathing is a natural function of the body. Forced lifelong monogamy or polygamy isn't. And at the point when the state issues a warrant regarding your feelings, it stops being about your feelings anymore and becomes something the state wants you to do. For me this is scary, artificial and wrong - in so many ways

Forced? Are we talking about arranged marriages now?

[The Grand Nudger]

Minor nitpick, the "era of matriarchy" is itself a notion that has collapsed.

Agreements or arrangements between mating partners do seem to have existed for some time (though the specifics can be quite divergent). Marriage -as we understand or practice it- is just another one of those arrangements. It's not really much of a permanent situation and it does have a whole hell of alot to do with property, ownership, inheritence, and legal rights (for example, the right to act in the interests of the spouse with regards to medical care..or hell..visit the spouse, try to get into an ICU as a "friend").

Regardless of whether or not I believe in marriage, every morning I wake up married...so no belief required. I suppose it just doesn't mean to me what it might mean to others. My spouse and I have a relationship (which is the thing I'm fond of) and we have a marriage (which is a legal contract).