The Last Movie You Watched

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Red Planet
The Martian
Mission to Mars

Don't go into orbit around Mars!

[pocaracas]

Murder Mystery 2

[emjay]

The Man Who Knew Too Little

Opted for something random on Prime Video, and this certainly was that. Very hit and miss, mainly miss, but not awful. Pretty convoluted so not Bill Murray's finest hour, but had a few laughs.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, The Curse of Pirate Death. It was made by a Troma ripoff called Brain Damage Films.

• Well, that's a good sign from an opening scene: virtually any sound element that could possibly compete with the dialogue does. Plus, they have opening credits in black, often covered by one of the girls' costumes, which is also in black.
  
• Man, that was a bizarrely subtle neck slap. Plus, he somehow managed to eviscerate a woman when his blade didn't even touch her.
  
• Pirates in 1906?
  
• And now the credits are in yellow?
  
• A photograph of the first female pirate? Dude, Mary Read and Anne Bonny were pirating with Calico Jack Rackham over a century before photography was a thing.
  
• No, your tits won't help you pass your law classes. This should give you a good idea of how difficult it is:
  
  
  
• So, the pirate's treasure is under a ladder? And we're sure nobody moved that ladder in over a century?
  
• Apparently, the best time to put your hair into a ponytail is after dark.
  
• You went to uncover buried treasure and you didn't even bring a shovel?
  
• The pirates in Muppet Treaure Island were more threatening than Pirate Death in this movie.
  
• To be absolutely fair, I can imagine that the lecture scene is in an actual Community College classroom.
  
• Ever seen a woman get lightly pushed and seen that it somehow made her fall to the ground with her tits out?
  
• And is there a reason Pirate Death's crew expects to be paid an equitable part of the loot? Because, I'm sure that they should have expected the captain to keep an outsized portion of it.
  
• Okay, I did not expect the teacher to have a tickle fetish. Also, the shadows are obscuring the soles.
  
• Wait, was the image of that one female pirate supposed to be a photo or a drawing? Because there's a fucking difference, movie.
  
• Is it too gauche to snark about the fact that Ron Jeremy plays the guy who just groped the Professor?
  
• This looks more like a desert than a forest.
  
• Hmm. The blonde girl doesn't seem to wear panties. Nice.
  
• And how did the brunette get over the wall? Wait, scratch that, does Pirate Death have that little peripheral vision that he can just not notice the two girls crouching in some thin grass?
  
• She took from his treasure? No, she didn't. She just had a picnic at the site where the treasure's supposed to be buried.
  
• Wait, so your grandparents' heritage has an immediate impace on your lives?
  
• Why does Professor Jinkins look exactly like Dr. Kantlove from The Amazing Bulk? Looking it right up, Yup, it is the same guy. And he's apparently an established character actor in Z-grade movies.
  
• Why does that montage look like  someone pissed on the VHS tape? And why is the dialogue so choppy?
  
• How the fuck did Pirate Death give that little of a shit that the barest effort could uncover it? And was it seriously just 5 doubloons in a small coin purse?
  
• What kind of Tool ripoff did they get to do the music?
  
• Apparently, Pirate Death has never seen a swimming pool in his life. 
  
• And from shitty special effects have you been created and to shitty special effects shalt thou return.
  

Next week, The Seeker: The Dark is Rising. On Disney Plus UK.

[Silver]

Knock At The Cabin

While vacationing, a girl and her parents are taken hostage by armed strangers who demand that the family make a choice to avert the apocalypse.

[Silver]

Murder Mystery

A New York cop and his wife go on a European vacation to reinvigorate the spark in their marriage, but end up getting framed and on the run for the death of an elderly billionaire.

Murder Mystery 2

Full-time detectives Nick and Audrey are struggling to get their private eye agency off the ground. They find themselves at the center of international abduction when their friend Maharaja, is kidnapped at his own lavish wedding.

[Silver]

The Man Without Gravity

Oscar comes to light on a stormy night, in the hospital of a small town and immediately we understand that there is something extraordinary in him : Does not obey the law of gravity. It floats in the air, hovers in the lightest room of a balloon, in front of the incredulous look of the mother and grandmother. The two women run away with the baby and decide to keep it hidden from the eyes of the world for many, many years. Only little Agata knows her secret. Until the day that Oscar decides that the whole world must know who he really is "The Man without Gravity" .

[Angrboda]

[Fake Messiah]

Without Warning (1994) a realistic movie that fooled many people that meteors are falling on America and the world as well as aliens attacking. But the movie is full of laughable nonsense, like when the Pentagon official says "We have sent seven spacecrafts to the edge of the galaxy", and of course that aliens built statues on Easter Island.

[Gwaithmir]