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One final attempt to get one over on you.

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One final attempt to get one over on you.
Whateverist Away Donators
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#1
One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:03 pm (This post was last modified: March 1, 2014 at 2:05 pm by Whateverist.)
Hi. I've been banned before as a Christian in spite of my efforts to save your asses. So I've hacked into this guys account to give you one final chance.

Now God wants your worship of your own free will. But my theory is just save they asses and let the man in the sky sort them out. So here's my pitch.

I was once just like you. Cussin, thievin, lying, no account, immoral, worthless .. the works. Then one day when I finally hit bottom I got down on my knees looked up and gave it all over to God. Hell I had fucked that life up. No way I wanted it no more.

So God came into me. (Who knew that could feel so good?) Pretty soon I was feeling better, a lot better. But I had been a sinner and so I owed God some souls. So here I am collecting for God almighty.

Come on, who is gonna join me? You don't have to go on in your fucked up misery. No sir. Just let that go and hop up on the save-your-ass train!

Well I tried. Hope that wasn't too spammy. Okay, I'm outta here. (Can't really stand you scum now that I'm all that.)
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Mr. Moncrieff Offline
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#2
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:07 pm
I have cider, pretzels and a collection of Vivaldi on the ipod.

Go...
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Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
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#3
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm
Thanks, but no thanks. Maybe if Yahweh showed up, got down on his knees, and told everyone how much he screwed up, and how the portrayal of him in the bible is really not how he wants to be known as, he can get some therapy and we might be friends. No one is perfect, and the individual portrayed in that book certainly isn't either.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

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Ryantology Offline
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#4
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm
One time I had sex because it felt good. This is wrong and I seek repentance.
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Mr. Moncrieff Offline
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#5
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:11 pm
(March 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm)Ryantology (╯°◊°)╯︵ ══╬ Wrote: One time I had sex because it felt good. This is wrong and I seek repentance.

You slag.
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max-greece Offline Donators
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#6
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm
(March 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm)Ryantology (╯°◊°)╯︵ ══╬ Wrote: One time I had sex because it felt good. This is wrong and I seek repentance.

I have a much worse confession than that.

I once had sex and it didn't feel good.

Thankfully it was just the once.
Kuusi palaa, ja on viimeinen kerta kun annan vaimoni laittaa jouluvalot!
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Mr. Moncrieff Offline
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#7
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:15 pm
(March 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm)max-greece Wrote:
(March 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm)Ryantology (╯°◊°)╯︵ ══╬ Wrote: One time I had sex because it felt good. This is wrong and I seek repentance.

I have a much worse confession than that.

I once had sex and it didn't feel good.

Thankfully it was just the once.

It's not sex if a priest initiates it...
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Alex K Offline
Ich fühle Luft von anderem Planeten
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#8
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:23 pm (This post was last modified: March 1, 2014 at 2:25 pm by Alex K.)
Can I get forgiveness for the next 10 sins cheaper if I book in advance? Because I had some cool things planned... Ill accept jesus and stuff, bla bla, no problem, where do I sign?
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truthBtold Offline
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#9
RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 2:40 pm
If someone has a split personality. . Do u have to pray twice
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NoraBrimstone Offline Donators
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#10
Re: RE: One final attempt to get one over on you.
March 1, 2014 at 3:18 pm (This post was last modified: March 1, 2014 at 3:18 pm by NoraBrimstone.)
(March 1, 2014 at 2:03 pm)whateverist Wrote: So God came into me. (Who knew that could feel so good?)
Tee hee.
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Atheist Forums › Community › Atheism v
One final attempt to get one over on you.

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