What really happens in churches

[Ksa]

It is 9:00am. My parents wake me up to go to church on Easter. I knew it would be a long, 4 hour preaching. At the church, it starts. The smoking guy comes to smoke the room chanting non-sense about how God, having no beginning and no end, died, and was alive again. After standing for 1 long hour I say to myself:

***Fuck my life, there is a wall over there, I have to lean on it...what excuse should I find to get near that wall? Hmm...OHH! I'll say I can't see in the front properly!***

Me: Ok, I don't see anything, I'm changing position, going near that wall.
Dad: Sure.
Mom: What is happening!?
Dad: He cannot see, I'm going with him to have a better view.

After reaching my sweet spot, I lean on the wall with a sense of relief. One hour later, my legs are tiring. I feel like dying again.

***Fuck me...I can't do this, fucking priest won't stop for shit these legs are killing me...fuck...ok fuck this I'm taking that dexedrine pill, no 15mg not strong enough, I gotta open it and chew the bids but, he'll see me, maybe if I act like im scratching my nose I can dissimulate those on my tongue ok***

I carefully open the capsule, place the bids on my tongue and act like I'm scratching my nose, but as I start chewing them, the priest calls for a moment of silence.

***Dang...the noise the bids make, they'll hear me...they'll know I'm chewing on something, (cracckkkkk) a fuck here we go, speak you shitty priest speak! A fuck it's burning my tongue I need to chew this shit you fucking gay priest end it! End the silence...my tongue is numb I'll be fucked what shit luck I have today.***

The priest resumes the preaching. Relieved, I finish swallowing the contents.

About 45 minutes later, I feel a breeze of fresh air, I feel cold and my shirt sort of fits my body more comfortably all of a sudden.

***Ahhh, here it comes, finally, this Hell is over hahah!!!!Nice smell...the shit he's burning smells good, the fucker. Hmm, nice hair, that nice...man I would grab her by the hair and...***

Dad: You aren't looking at that blonde aren't you?
Me: Not more than you.
Dad: hmm haaamm hhhmm hammm be serious.

***I bet he would fuck her himself, lol always asking me about the chicks I'm looking at. Ok, that chick needs to go away AHHHHHHHh, I need her or porn...I need something, no stay calm it's just the fucking drug, it will be over soon, they'll revive the fucker and then I'll go jack off at home...Man this preaching sounds like Lady Gaga now oh ya!! Jesus man! Fuck!***

Suddenly, after 4 hours, the preaching ended. I kept looking at the blonde and exited the church with my faith replenished and ready to do good deeds in the sight of God.