joke time

[Little lunch]

A good strong one first thing, then at regular intervals during the day.

How I like my men:
Determined minded, soft touching,, strong thinking, loud loving, pretty smiling, big eating, gentle teasing, honey kissing…but I’m not picky.

What the.....but that's exactly how I like my women. :-)

[Rhondazvous]

How I like my men:
Determined minded, soft touching,, strong thinking, loud loving, pretty smiling, big eating, gentle teasing, honey kissing…but I’m not picky.

What the.....but that's exactly how I like my women. :-)

You got the right one, baby. May we both find that exquisite binomial nomenclature.

[Icy]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

---

When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town" said the boy. 
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.

"No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered. 
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. 
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message" said the boy.
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

[Icy]

The Rodeo Position

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions.
 
One said, " think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
 
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"
 
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
 
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear: "These feel just like your sister's."
 
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.

[The Valkyrie]

To celebrate diversity in NZ, a gay rugby team played the world famous All Blacks in a friendly game of rugby.

The game ended with a score of nil-all, though the gay team had three tries and a conversion...

🏉

[ignoramus]

I'd say they had good ball handling skills! hehe

[Little lunch]

They tried to make the game easier by stretching the goal posts.
Yeah, I know, I'm losing my funny.
I think it's cause I'm a dad now.

[Brian37]

Boris and Natasha were driving around Moscow and got pulled over for speeding, the officer said, "Quit Russian".

[Succubus]

To celebrate diversity in NZ, a gay rugby team played the world famous All Blacks in a friendly game of rugby.

The game ended with a score of nil-all, though the gay team had three tries and a conversion...

🏉

Rugby:

Three blokes trying to shove two blokes up one blokes arse.

[Darinda]

The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
 
I was quite pleasantly surprised when they gave me a Rolex. 
 
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”