Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 11:51 am
During his sermon, the vicar asks if anyone would like to come forward to give thanks for an answered prayers. A woman walks to the front, faces the congregation and begins.
‘Six months ago, my husband Frank was in a terrible motorcycle accident in which his scrotum was almost completely destroyed [rustling noise as all the men in the pews shift uncomfortably]. Honestly, his poor scrotum was so mangled that the doctors weren’t sure they could save it [more rustling and not a few gasps]. But I prayed and prayed. Eventually, the doctors were able to use stitches [more gasps], staples [gasps and some audible groans], surgical glue and wires [a few quick sobs] to hold his shattered, shredded scrotum together. And after months of rehab and follow up surgeries, Frank’s scrotum is as good as new, thank the Lord [sighs of relief]!’
She returns to her seat, and the vicar asks, ‘Umm…anyone else?’
A man comes forward and announces, ‘I’m Frank[stunned silence]. And honey, the word is sternum .’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 2:54 pm
So there was this aspiring sperm who was hell bent on beating all the other sperm to the egg. He worked out, lifted weights, and buffed up like Arnold. So the day came(pun intended), and he is running over everyone and gets way ahead of all the other sperm, but suddenly stops and turns around and shouts, "GO BACK GO BACK!" . Another sperm asks why, and he responds, " IT'S A BLOW JOB!"
Posts: 9538
Threads: 410
Joined: October 3, 2018
Reputation:
17
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm
Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
![[Image: woody-allen-as-a-sperm-in-a-scene-from-t...d159836603]](https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/woody-allen-as-a-sperm-in-a-scene-from-the-film-every-thing-you-to-picture-id159836603)
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 3:53 pm
(September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
Not aware of his history, never got into his movies. I got that joke from someone in the 80s.
Posts: 1605
Threads: 0
Joined: October 2, 2018
Reputation:
11
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 5:34 pm
(This post was last modified: September 23, 2021 at 5:39 pm by A. Secular Human.)
(September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
Is the "What am *I* doing here?" dude sitting in the back of the vas deferens?
(September 23, 2021 at 3:53 pm)Brian37 Wrote: (September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
Not aware of his history, never got into his movies. I got that joke from someone in the 80s.
Who undoubtedly stole it from "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (* But Were Afraid to Ask)".
Receiving stolen goods is still a crime.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Posts: 16551
Threads: 128
Joined: July 10, 2013
Reputation:
65
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 7:49 pm
(September 23, 2021 at 3:53 pm)Brian37 Wrote: (September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
Not aware of his history, never got into his movies. I got that joke from someone in the 80s.
Bold mine - Imagine that.
Posts: 11257
Threads: 29
Joined: December 8, 2019
Reputation:
14
RE: joke time
September 23, 2021 at 7:57 pm
-Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach
-As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
-My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
"Change was inevitable"
Nemo sicut deus debet esse!
![[Image: Canada_Flag.jpg?v=1646203843]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F0630%2F5310%2F3332%2Fproducts%2FCanada_Flag.jpg%3Fv%3D1646203843)
“No matter what men think, abortion is a fact of life. Women have always had them; they always have and they always will. Are they going to have good ones or bad ones? Will the good ones be reserved for the rich, while the poor women go to quacks?”
–SHIRLEY CHISHOLM
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 24, 2021 at 3:59 am
It's never too early to start hinting about Christmas gifts - my wife has been leaving jewelry catalogues all over the house. I pride myself on being able to pick up on these signals, so I'm going to build her a magazine rack.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
September 24, 2021 at 9:40 am
(This post was last modified: September 24, 2021 at 10:27 am by Brian37.)
(September 23, 2021 at 5:34 pm)A. Secular Human Wrote: (September 23, 2021 at 3:21 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: Really?
Ripping off Woody Allen?
Is the "What am *I* doing here?" dude sitting in the back of the vas deferens?
(September 23, 2021 at 3:53 pm)Brian37 Wrote: Not aware of his history, never got into his movies. I got that joke from someone in the 80s.
Who undoubtedly stole it from "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (* But Were Afraid to Ask)".
Receiving stolen goods is still a crime.
Yea, and Time/Warner Music attempted to copywrite the song "Happy Birthday".
I take this as seriously as the disclaimer at the beginning and ending of NFL games that imply one cant even talk about them without their written permission as if they are some secret society oath.
And do you know how many breakfast joints in America make Mickey Mouse pancakes without Disney's permission?
How many people leave a movie and quote the lines from that movie. That is to be expected. Theft would be physically copying the movie for financial gain and selling the fake copy for financial gain. Otherwise the millions of people who leave movie theaters every weekend should be in jail for talking about what they saw.
(September 23, 2021 at 7:57 pm)Helios Wrote: -Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach
-As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
-My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
HA HA HA HA HA HA. Love it! "Bach, Bach, Bach". I am glad I wasn't drinking or eating anything when I read that.
Posts: 16551
Threads: 128
Joined: July 10, 2013
Reputation:
65
RE: joke time
September 24, 2021 at 11:49 am
Copyright...for the second time.
|
![[Image: MmQV79M.png]](https://i.imgur.com/MmQV79M.png)
