Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
May 24, 2023 at 9:37 am
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!
Posts: 1605
Threads: 0
Joined: October 2, 2018
Reputation:
11
RE: joke time
May 24, 2023 at 5:05 pm
(May 24, 2023 at 9:37 am)Darinda Wrote: I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!
A couple of days ago, I had acute ingestion.
It was my birthday cake.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
May 27, 2023 at 10:13 am
“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin asked the little boy
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but he ate it!
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
May 30, 2023 at 11:37 am
There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said: “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone had committed adultery would say they had “Fallen.”
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said: “You have to do something about the sidewalk in town. When people come to the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said: “I don’t know what you’re laughing about! Your wife fell three times this week!”
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
May 30, 2023 at 9:45 pm
Her, "I'm not talking to you!"
Him, "Okay."
Her, "Don't you want to know why?
Him,"No, I fully support and respect your decision!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
May 31, 2023 at 7:00 pm
HBOMax is now just ‘Max’. Your move, Peacock…
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
June 2, 2023 at 4:38 am
Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got angry at me...like it's MY fault they don't have Windows.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
June 3, 2023 at 7:01 am
A non-binary friend of ours recently declared, 'I can love whoever I want!'. I felt compelled to explain why that's just wrong:
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 17122
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
June 5, 2023 at 6:20 am
Once Chuck Norris made a joke about Will Smith's wife's hair, so Will Smith stood up and slapped his wife.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 10720
Threads: 15
Joined: September 9, 2011
Reputation:
119
RE: joke time
June 9, 2023 at 1:40 pm
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken."
And, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?"
The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs."
--from the end of Annie Hall
I'm not anti-Christian. I'm anti-stupid.
|
