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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 4:01 am
Two elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench, when an elderly man approaches them, flashes, and hobbles off.
'Did you see what I saw, Esme?'
'I'm not sure WHAT I saw, Rose, but whatever it was, it could do with a good ironing.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 11:43 am
Mrs. Jones: Dr. Brown, I’m concerned about the medicine you prescribed for me. I thought you said I’d be taking it for the rest of my life.
Dr. Brown: That’s correct. What’s your concern?
Mrs. Jones: Well, it says here on the bottle, “No Refills.”
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 2:06 pm
Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
... I'll get my coat.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 6:05 pm
(October 21, 2015 at 2:06 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
... I'll get my coat.
Oh, THAT Henny Youngman.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 7:16 pm
A chef in a French restaurant handed the food to a waiter.
Waiter: You didn't put any seasoning on this stuff?
Chef: Why bother? They're all Americans. They wolf their food down so fast, it doesn't stay in their mouths long enough for them to taste it, anyway.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 22, 2015 at 8:41 am
Winston Churchill was supposed to have come home drunk one night when his housekeeper met him at the door.
Housekeeper: You’re drunk.
Winston: Yes, but you’re ugly and tomorrow, I’ll be sober.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 22, 2015 at 8:50 am
(October 22, 2015 at 8:41 am)Rhondazvous Wrote: Winston Churchill was supposed to have come home drunk one night when his housekeeper met him at the door.
Housekeeper: You’re drunk.
Winston: Yes, but you’re ugly and tomorrow, I’ll be sober.
I think that was to Lady Astor who he had a hate hate relationship with. In another exchange with her she said "if she was his wife she'd put poison in his drink" to which Winston replied "if she was his wife he'd drink it"
The best exchange was between his assistant who informed him that a minister he hated had come to see him while he was in the loo. Churchill told him to tell him to come back later as "he could only deal with one shit at a time"
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
October 22, 2015 at 9:34 am
(This post was last modified: October 22, 2015 at 10:12 am by Hmmm?.)
What did the monkey say when his tail got cut off?
¡¡¡ ʍou ƃuol ǝq ʇ,uoʍ ʇᴉ˙˙˙
So, my husband tells that joke to some little ones that were over...and all day they're running around saying:
What did the monkey say when his tail got cut off? ...it won't be long anymore!
We laughed and laughed ...the joke wasn't all that funny, but the kids were.
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RE: joke time
October 22, 2015 at 1:28 pm
Why was six afraid of seven?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 23, 2015 at 11:15 am
(October 22, 2015 at 1:28 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: Why was six afraid of seven?
No, it's because seven was a registered six offender.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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