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RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 9:40 pm
LOL
Bill Bailey Wrote:Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Bill Bailey Wrote:Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey Wrote:You get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".
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RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 11:14 pm
Quote:She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?"
She explained, “The egg timer's broken."
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 12:17 am
(This post was last modified: December 16, 2015 at 12:40 am by ApeNotKillApe.)
Why is Ray Charles not allowed to drive?
Because he's fucking dead.
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 5:51 am
(This post was last modified: December 16, 2015 at 5:54 am by Edwardo Piet.)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
What chicken? "The chicken"? Why are we using "the" before this chicken has been previously mentioned? That's fucking silly.
Okay so, why did a chicken cross the road?
What road? Which road? Same fucking problem
Okay so why did a chicken cross a road?
...
I'm waiting for the answer I'm not asking myself here. What do you think this is, some sort of joke?
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 11:54 am
Don’t know if this qualifies as an anti-joke, but here goes.
Three disabled men are at a bar, one is blind, one is deaf and one’s in a wheelchair.
Jesus enters, walks up to the deaf man and lays hand on his ears. They pop open.
Deaf man: Oh wow! I can hear a gnat pissing on cotton.
Then Jesus lays hands on the blind man’s eyes and they pop open.
Blind man: Oh wow! I can see the boogers up an ant’s nose.
Then Jesus reaches for the man in the wheelchair, but he rolls out of his reach.
Man in Wheelchair: Don’t tough me. I’m on disability.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 12:45 pm
"Doctor doctor, I've got a strawberry growing out of my ear !"
"Don't worry. I've got some cream for that."
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. — Edward Gibbon
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 12:48 pm
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"It's me again don't you recognize my voice? I visit you every weekend."
Don't believe the hype :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl461mVrMFo
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 12:55 pm
A jew, a Muslim and a Christian walk into a bar. what a wonderful example of cultural integration.
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 4:03 pm
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It had escaped from the farm and was looking for somewhere to hide.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
December 16, 2015 at 7:33 pm
A test mouse escaped from the laboratory where scientists had been running experiments to determine the effects of nicotine.
The mouse ran into a field where wild mice were playing and for the first time was absolutely free to do what he wanted and go where he wanted.
He stayed with the wild mice all day, laughing and frolicking with abandon.
Then at the end of the day the mouse headed back to the lab.
The wild mouse were puzzled.
Wild mice: Why would you go back? You’re free?
Test mouse: Yeah, but I need a cigarette.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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