joke time

[chimp3]

Town drunk walks into saloon and says "I will take a drink from the spittoon if you buy me a whiskey!". 

Cowboys cheer and take him up on offer.

Drunk picks up overflowing spittoon and starts to drink. He drinks and drinks. 

Crowd is sickened and yells for drunk to stop.

Drunk chug-a-lugs the spittoon dry.

Cowboy yells " You won the bet with one sip. Why in tarnation did you drink the whole blasted thing?"

Drunk says: "I tried to stop after one sip but it was all one piece!"

[Ben Davis]

Whenever writing stories about losing your virginity, it's always essential to put it in the first person

[Brian37]

I don't know how Japanese do it..... I mean, seems a bit uncomfortable to me..

Itchy, Knee, and why does son come before she? That seems a bit sexist to me. I don't want to constantly have itchy knees, nor would I put my son above my daughter if I had both. And why do you wait until 10 to que, Jew< are they not good enough to call on earlier? 

(understanding this joke requires you to know how to count to 10 in Japanese)

[chimp3]

I don't know how Japanese do it..... I mean, seems a bit uncomfortable to me..

Itchy, Knee, and why does son come before she? That seems a bit sexist to me. I don't want to constantly have itchy knees, nor would I put my son above my daughter if I had both. And why do you wait until 10 to que, Jew< are they not good enough to call on earlier? 

(understanding this joke requires you to know how to count to 10 in Japanese)

Spent many years on the Judo mat.

[Ben Davis]

I don't know how Japanese do it..... I mean, seems a bit uncomfortable to me..

Itchy, Knee, and why does son come before she? That seems a bit sexist to me. I don't want to constantly have itchy knees, nor would I put my son above my daughter if I had both. And why do you wait until 10 to que, Jew< are they not good enough to call on earlier? 

(understanding this joke requires you to know how to count to 10 in Japanese)

Spent many years on the Judo mat.

I don't understand why they were chanting the Great One's name centuries before he was even born!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

In Jamaica, a steak and kidney pie will cost you £3.20, apple or mince pies will run about £1.90, chicken pie (with mushrooms) about £1.20.

In Trinidad and Tobago, a you can expect to pay around £2.50 for steak and kidney, rhubarb pie is £1.25, and a chicken pie (no mushrooms) will set you back a mere £1.00.

---

These are the Pie-Rates Of The Caribbean.

---

Boru

[ignoramus]

Did you know that the population of Las Vegas has never changed?

Every time a baby is born, a man leaves town!




He he ....R.Dangerfield

[Cecelia]

Not really a joke, but an amusing story!

So I went over to visit my religious Uncle today. Took my kids with me. (He's visiting my mom, so I figured I'd pay him a visit while he's here). Anyway, they're talking about their mom's (my grandmother) death. And of course the kids overhear them. So he asks one of my youngest (her sister had already left the room at the time) "Do you know about death?"

She nods her head. He then asks "Do you know where people go when they die?"

And I'm thinking "Here it comes. Indoctrination central."

My youngest daughter nods her head. I'm thinking "Okay, phew. Crisis averted."

Then my uncle asks "Where do they go?"

And I'm like "Oh gosh. What's her answer going to be." She's almost 8, so I have no idea what she's going to say. I mean I'm an atheist, and we've only really told her that some people believe in heaven, others in reincarnation, and others think that we don't know, while others think that we just cease to exist.

And then she says--in her most matter-of-fact voice "The cemetery!"

(Well, she wasn't wrong!)

[The Valkyrie]

Not really a joke, but an amusing story!

So I went over to visit my religious Uncle today.  Took my kids with me.  (He's visiting my mom, so I figured I'd pay him a visit while he's here).  Anyway, they're talking about their mom's (my grandmother) death.  And of course the kids overhear them.  So he asks one of my youngest (her sister had already left the room at the time) "Do you know about death?"

She nods her head.  He then asks "Do you know where people go when they die?"

And I'm thinking "Here it comes.  Indoctrination central."

My youngest daughter nods her head.  I'm thinking "Okay, phew.  Crisis averted."

Then my uncle asks "Where do they go?"

And I'm like "Oh gosh.  What's her answer going to be."  She's almost 8, so I have no idea what she's going to say.  I mean I'm an atheist, and we've only really told her that some people believe in heaven, others in reincarnation, and others think that we don't know, while others think that we just cease to exist.  

And then she says--in her most matter-of-fact voice "The cemetery!"

(Well, she wasn't wrong!)

Smart girl.

[ignoramus]

Tell her good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere! Hehe