joke time

[Edwardo Piet]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness you only have ten to live."

Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?"

Doctor: "Nine."

I don't get it.

[The Valkyrie]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness you only have ten to live."

Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?"

Doctor: "Nine."

I don't get it.

Watch Deadpool.

[ignoramus]

eight .....seven ....geez Hammy ....really?

[KittyAnn]

A cowboy enters to the bar and looks around - he saw a beautiful woman is sitting there.
- Hey. Who are you?
- Lesbian ...
- Eeeeee ... It means?
- When I wake up I think about sex with a woman, 
when I eat breakfast I think about sex with a woman, 
when I go to work I think about sex with a woman,
how I eat dinner, I think about sex with a woman, 
when I come back home, I think about sex with a woman, 
when I fall asleep, I think about sex with a woman. 
- And who are you?
- f..k when I came here, I thought I was a cowboy, but now I know I'm a lesbian...

[Thumpalumpacus]

On his way to a foreign tour, the Pope boards the plane and takes his seat in first class, next to a young lady. The gal, who happens to be Catholic, is all a-tremble that His Holy Eminence is sitting right next to her. She watches as the Pope pulls out a crossword puzzle book and resumes a half-done puzzle.

Struggling to find something to say, she says, "Hello, your Holiness. I see you're a crossword fan as well." "Hello, my dear, yes, I am," he replies. "Are you?"

"I am," she replies, and they chat for a couple of minutes before he goes back to his puzzle.

A few minutes later he looks up. "Tell me, my dear, a four-letter word for the clue, 'a woman you might know', last three letters are u-n-t. Can you help?"

The young lady, thinks about it, and is quickly mortified -- the only word she can think of is horribly obscene, but what else could it be? Then suddenly the right answer comes to her, and she blurts out "'Aunt'! The answer is 'aunt'!"

"Oh, yes, of course," replies the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

[Brian37]

I can't write a haiku because I am afraid of heights.

[purplepurpose]

People argue over the right to stay dead after their funeral and don't get their magic essence sucked in to the magical kingdom of the Living Magic.

[Brian37]

I can't write a haiku because I am afraid of heights.

I just remembered. I also cant write a haiku because that shit is not legal in my state anyway.

---

Ok so this Hindu couple migrates to Oklahoma, they have a kid who is now a teen and baby girl."

His redneck buddies  tell them they are going out because it is Friday and they want to party.

Hindu teen says, " I would love to but I have to baby sit my little sister."

Rednecks, "Yer sure? We're fixen to have a great time?"

Hindu says, "Nawmuststay".

[Little lunch]

I once locked my keys in the car. Took me an hour to get out. 

Boru

Obviously this is before you became a Kiwi. :-)

---

I heard there's a dwarf shortage.
Any dwarfs offended by that joke can fucking grow up.

[The Valkyrie]

I once locked my keys in the car. Took me an hour to get out. 

Boru

Obviously this is before you became a Kiwi. :-)

---

I heard there's a dwarf shortage.
Any dwarfs offended by that joke can fucking grow up.

Little tossers that they are!