joke time

[Ravenshire]

Obviously this is before you became a Kiwi. :-)

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I heard there's a dwarf shortage.
Any dwarfs offended by that joke can fucking grow up.

Little tossers that they are!

I thought the tossers had to be bigger than the dwarfs?!?

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[chimp3]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness you only have ten to live."

Patient: "What do you mean ten? Ten months? Ten weeks?"

Doctor: "Nine."

I don't get it.

Here is something even more obscure. I am an RN. There is an antihypertensive medication - metoprolol succinate. When ever I can, and I hear the word "succinate" I say "7,6,5,4,3,2,1!"

Clue: Succinate is pronounced "sucks in eight".

[Fireball]

I don't get it.

Here is something even more obscure. I am an RN. There is an antihypertensive medication - metoprolol succinate. When ever I can, and I hear the word "succinate" I say "7,6,5,4,3,2,1!" CODE BLUE!

Clue: Succinate is pronounced "sucks in eight".

FTFY.

[chimp3]

Here is something even more obscure. I am an RN. There is an antihypertensive medication - metoprolol succinate. When ever I can, and I hear the word "succinate" I say "7,6,5,4,3,2,1!" CODE BLUE!

Clue: Succinate is pronounced "sucks in eight".

FTFY.

FTFY: No lunch break! Code Blue! 7,6,5....

[Haipule]

A “Leftist” is someone who grabs their legs behind their knees and pulls their nose right up to their own ‘okole and rips a big fart and then, breathing it in, straitens up and then, in their own smugness, proceeds to tell you how smart they are. Yet, everything they say, smells and sounds like a fart! And all I can say is, “Dude, would you like a breath mint?!”

[KittyAnn]

The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"

Suzie replied, "...Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs".

The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was going, 'O God, I'm coming!'

If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."

[purplepurpose]

[Brian37]

So this American meets a German and they hit it off and date for a while, but when it gets serious, they both agree they want to marry, but the German is asked how many kids they want.

"NINE" is the response.

The American responds, "Holy shit, that's alot."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My friends get made when I steal their kitchen utensils, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Boru

[Darinda]

Boudreaux goes to Europe

Boudreaux, a furniture dealer from downtown New Iberia,La, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Europe to see what he could find. He arrived in Paris in early morning, but had an afternoon appointment with the furniture maker, so he decided to visit a small bistro during his wait.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in German (which Boudreaux couldn't understand);so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe near-by that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered lunch.....after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. Boudreaux never had so much fun! Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed, which reminded Boudreaux of his appointment so he abruptly left. To this day, Boudreaux still has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.