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Current time: December 15, 2024, 4:26 pm
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joke time
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RE: joke time
December 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm
(This post was last modified: December 15, 2017 at 8:54 pm by chimp3.)
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice! A friend of mine that skydived for fun had a plaque in his kitchen that said: "He who hesitates inherits the earth!" What's the difference between me and eggs? Eggs are getting laid!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
(December 15, 2017 at 4:08 pm)purplepurpose Wrote:You should see how we in Hawaii prepare a tako(octopus) for grilling! It is covered in Hawaiian salt and beaten to death. But, man is it good!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit. (December 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm)chimp3 Wrote: You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. HA HA HA SOOOO TRUE........ It isn't the fall that kills you, it is the sudden stop.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving probably isn't your sport.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
In a town in Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.
One night, after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter, "Funny, why are they so small today?" "Sir, today the bull won." (December 15, 2017 at 11:13 pm)vulcanlogician Wrote: In a town in Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.Dude! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! My guts ache! I can't stop laughing!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
Years ago, my wife and I were awakened at 3 o’clock early one Saturday morning by a loud pounding on the door. I got up and went to the door where I saw a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain. “Give us a push” says the swaying stranger. “Not a chance,” I reply, “It is three o’clock in the morning.” I slammed the door and returned to bed. “Who was that?” my wife asked. “Just some ol’ drunk asking for a push,” I answered. “Did you help him?” She asked. “No. I did not. It is three o’clock in the morning and it is pouring down rain outside. Next my wife reminded me, “Don’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself. I did as I was told. I got dressed and went out into the pouring rain. I call out into the dark, “Hello! Are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” now soaked from the rain. “Yes. Please.” came the reply from the darkness. “Where are you?” I asked. “Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
When shooting mimes, use a silencer!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
What does a deadhead say when he runs out of drugs?
This music sucks. |
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